30 More Ridiculous Real Newspaper Headlines

30 More Ridiculous Real Newspaper Headlines


From a leopard hooked to pot to pleasuring
oneself in a library, we count 30 more ridiculous newspaper headlines. 30. “Hospitals Resort to Hiring Doctors” What have they been hiring, then? The second
headline just explains there are a shortage of physicians and there needs to be some kind
of move. Nothing else. 29. “Lawyers Back Despite Use of Bug Spray” A prosecutor’s office was sprayed with pesticides
after a swarm of wasps invaded the space, which is what the article was about. Maybe
the person who wrote this headline could’ve mentioned the invading insects instead of
the bug spray. Yeah, those pesky lawyers will ruin any camping
trip or barbecue. 28. “A deputy responded to a report of a
vehicle stopping at mail boxes. It was the mailman.” There are no words that can describe what
a line like this is doing in a news article. Do people not know what a mail truck looks
like? Even if the mailman was out of uniform and driving a personal vehicle to deliver
mail, it still doesn’t seem newsworthy enough to include in a newspaper. 27. “So far, they have determined that the
crash occurred when the plane struck the ground…” This line of an article was probably the result
of the reporter either hurrying to meet a deadline, or was just bad when it came to
explaining events. Despite how funny the line may be even though they’re reporting on
a plane crash, it is possible the plane crashed into something midair. 26. “Leopard Hooked to Pot, But Not Stoned” This article, about a young leopard that wandered
into a village and got its head stuck in a water pot, said that nobody approached it
or harmed it – including throw stones. But seriously, if you don’t think the pun
in the headline is funny, seeing a leopard with its head stuck in a pot has to be. 25. “Being Bullied? Just act less gay, advise
teachers” Unlike many headlines on this list, this particular
one is exactly what teachers at an unnamed school told students to do to lessen their
chances of being bullied. How… supportive. Messages like these make you wonder why bullying
and being gay are such issues these days. 24. “Woman Missing Since She Got Lost” It sounds like the writer of this article
was given a word count to aim for by the editor, and just added a few unnecessary words. “Woman
Missing” would be a good headline, because it would capture the reader’s attention,
plus sums up the article well. 23. “Fish Need Water, Feds Say”
While it’s unclear what this article is about, it still sounds more like a line you
would find in a children’s book instead of a newspaper. And, in recent news, water was found to be
wet. 22. “City Council runs out of time to discuss
shorter meetings” The city council for Laguna Beach, California,
were tired of adjourning their meetings in the early morning hours. Part of their agenda
was going to be a discussion of holding shorter council meetings, but it appears as though
other important issues came up. Sounds like the real issue here is newsworthiness,
thanks to a possibly slow news day. 21. “Clinton licks Beavers” This article about a high school basketball
game, where Clinton High School defeated the opposing team known as the “Beavers”.
They could’ve used a different word than ‘licks’, such as ‘beats’… though
now it sounds like an article about animal cruelty. 20. “Animal-rights group to hold meeting
at steakhouse” Out of all the places these animal rights
activists in Montana could have held their meeting, this is where they chose to have
it? The article went on to mention that the group hoped to teach others to live a “cruelty-free”
life which included not eating meat. 19. “Prisoner serving 2,000-year sentence
could face more time” A jury will decide if the man, serving time
for kidnapping and murder, will face the death penalty or more time in prison. Instead, maybe
let him have the possibility of parole after, say, the first 1,000 years? At least this
kidnapper and murderer is behind bars and – hopefully – will be for the rest of
his life. 18. “Nudists fight erection of towers near
Wreck Beach” This is just wrong. They could’ve used another
word, like maybe ‘construction’ or ‘building’? You can’t blame reporters and editors for
trying to write more noticeable headlines but, again, this is just… wrong. 17. “Report of unresponsive man at Malden
Casket Company” When writing this news brief, the writer should
have elaborated on where the unresponsive man was found. It’s more likely that this
man wasn’t found in a casket, but then again that is only speculation as it doesn’t go
into any more details. 16. “Barbershop singers bring joy to school
for deaf” Unless there were a group of sign language
interpreters on the stage with the singers, signing everything that was sung by the singers,
it’s ridiculous – and maybe even a bit insensitive – to put on a musical show for
a bunch of deaf students. It’s unclear if the singers did anything
else for the students, besides sing various songs that they couldn’t hear. 15. “Students cook and serve grandparents” Some students served and cooked a pancake
breakfast for visiting grandparents who were at their school for Grandparents Day. What
was the special ingredient in the pancakes? Was this a special school for cannibals? 14. “Masturbator ‘yanked’ from library” Unlike the other headlines on this list, this
particular reporter was well-aware of the words she wanted to use. It’s everything
a good headline should be… it summarizes the article and catches the reader’s attention.
But, while funny, it’s still a little inappropriate. 13. “Wal-Mart: Police receive a report of
a newborn infant found in a trash can. Upon investigation, officers discover it was only
a burrito.” Mistaking a piece of Mexican food for a baby
is perhaps the epitome of ridiculous. It’s not clear if it was just a prank call, or
if the caller was under the influence of something and honestly mistook a burrito for a baby.
This is something you would probably find on satirical websites, such as “The Onion”. 12. “Parents keep kids home to protest school
closure” The reporter who wrote this headline forgot
to include the word “possible” between “protest” and “school”, because the
article tells about the parents of 200 San Franciscan schoolchildren who kept them at
home to protest the planned closure of the school. If “possible” would have been included,
then it probably would’ve implied the parents were contributing to their child’s truancy. 11. “Bridges help people cross rivers” While the headline does summarize what the
article is about – education about different bridges, such as how they are constructed
and where to find certain ones – still reads like another piece of information found in
a children’s book. The article doesn’t appear to be much of a news-oriented article,
as it reads more like something from Wikipedia. 10. “Homeless man under house arrest” Somebody who doesn’t understand the concept
of “being homeless”. Even though the court acknowledged that this man doesn’t have
a home, the judge ordered he remain on a particular section of sidewalk for a certain period of
time. Local police even made sure he was “tucked in” every night. 9. “Man arrested after cops spot suspiciously
small package in his undies” This is why reporters and editors should come
up with their own headlines. It was later revealed by the then-editor that the headline
was taken from a press release issued by the police. The man referred to in the headline, as it
turned out, had a bad of amphetamines stuffed in his pants. 8. “Bugs flying around with wings are flying
bugs” The headline came from what appeared to be
an educational column written by an educator. It’s not clear what the article itself was
about, but the headline does kind of come across as condescending, considering how it
was written by an educator. 7. “Planes forced to land at airports” Another headline that might make a reader
exclaim “no kidding!”, this article began talking about two smaller planes that were
chased out of a restricted airspace by two fighter jets. While nothing more is known about the article
says, it sounds like the smaller planes were forced to land at airports other than their
own. It’s hard to tell, thanks to the vague headline. 6. “Lawn mower: Tends to catch fire but
put out easily with garden hose, $30…” This classified ad doesn’t specify whether
this lawn mower comes with a garden hose. Of course, that’s doubtful. The ad is so
ridiculous that it sounds more like a joke. 5. “Drunk drivers fail blow job test” Another reporter who was probably trying to
meet the deadline. In addition, it’s called a “breathalyzer” test. Sounds like this
reporter had either just graduated from college, was an intern, or knew the test was called
a “breathalyzer” but just has a dirty sense of humor. 4. Have you seen this man? He’s been described as wearing a black facemask,
hood, and large sunglasses. Another newspaper blurb that is so ridiculous that it almost
seems like a joke, but to the right of the police sketch it appears to be a humorless
article about a criminal. 3. “Illiteracy an obstable, study finds” Mistakes happen in writing, which is why many
newspapers and magazines employ copyeditors… except for this one, apparently. The researchers
involved in the study were just lent a hand by this newspaper in proving their point. 2. “Patriots Beat Cocks…” One of the writers for “The Patriot”,
a student newspaper, came up with a funny headline when writing an article about a baseball
game where a team at Francis Marion University beat the South Carolina Gamecocks. With a
team name like “Gamecocks”, it’s hard not to be ridiculed. 1. “Researchers: Overeating can set stage
for obesity” The headline here is an accurate description
of what the article is essentially about… how people gain weight by overeating. The
article itself is interesting, but the headline states a fact that most of us already know
about how weight can be gained.

100 thoughts on “30 More Ridiculous Real Newspaper Headlines

  1. R u an anime girl???πŸ˜―πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜ˆπŸ˜ˆβ™‹πŸ”žπŸ˜‡πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜‡πŸ˜ˆπŸ™ŠπŸ™ŠπŸ™ŠπŸ™‰πŸ™‰πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™‡πŸ™πŸ™‡πŸ™πŸ™‡πŸ™‡πŸ™‡πŸ™πŸ™‡πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘†πŸ’„πŸ“ΉπŸŽ­

  2. Ok I've got to say this, everyone SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE WHOLE OH IT WAS BETTER WITH JUST DOLAN, YOU THINK THIS IS EASY TO DO BY YOURSELF, NO ITS NOT

  3. Ahhhh i fucking love doopie doopie is 2nd best waifu (right behind sena kashiwazaki)

    Ahhhhhh i want doopie hentai so muchhhh

  4. Hey Doopie, how are you gonna see us all later? Are you gonna personally visit each viewer? If not, your a liar. And a phony, a big fat phony. Hey everyone, doopies a phony.

  5. Hey Doopie, how are you gonna see us all later? Are you gonna personally visit each viewer? If not, your a liar. And a phony, a big fat phony. Hey everyone, doopies a phony.

  6. The lawyer one made me think, yeah, one tried to sue me because I killed a fish and was cooking it to eat it…

  7. I mean…there are these things called hearing-aids that deaf people use. Ya know…so they can hear..A lot of deaf people can hear loud sounds so the hearing aid amplifies that and thus, they could hear the musical performance! =D

  8. There were a few times throughout this video that I had to pause it until I stopped laughing.

    Also, 5:48 Let's eat Grandpa!

  9. That second one reminds me of the clip of some crazy lady calling a mailman out for "stalking" her.

  10. BREAKING NEWS! This comment that has been posted on the comment section of this video on YouTube has been written using fingers

  11. One of the smaller headlines in the one about the masturbator was "Man with banjo harasses student". Someone's seen "Deliverance' too many times.

  12. I don't remember being licked by no damn man named clinton. I'm a former beaver, if that is karns, as in Knoxville.

  13. Doopie, both the voice and the character, is adorable.
    But she's just not as entertaining as Hellbent, Danger Dolan, or his brother, mainly because she's not as much of a smartass.

    I noticed throughout this video, she rarely joked about the articles' titles, only going to explain what went wrong or what the articles were actually about instead of just making fun of the failure, which would be more interesting.

  14. My mom just showed a few a hours ago on a website, an article that was titled " Catholic alligator goes to confessions."

  15. The Deputy and the mailman, isn't news so much, is many local papers have a police blotter section the summeriize all police call outs. hence if the Deputy is called out for "supious person" that turn out to be mailmain it still gets reported

  16. #27 i think i've heard that one before…

    #10 made me think of all those times politicians, especially Obama, babbled about "child poverty". that always struck me a completely absurd: "oh, we're not going to do anything for all the poverty-stricken MOTHERS or poverty-stricken FATHERS, we're ONLY going to help the children.' where do they think poor children come from, anyway?

  17. 2:53 Water is not wet. Wet means covered in water. Water cannot be covered with itself. That's like saying you can burn fire.

  18. Okay but deaf people can enjoy music without an interpreter. A lot of them (three of my friends are deaf) can feel the vibrations in the air and such. There was an entire episode of the Megaman cartoon in the 90’s dedicated to this concept

  19. "City Council runs out of time to discuss shorter meetings."
    Very good Planet Dolen. A perfect example of a "Catch 22" as number 22! Good for you!

  20. How did I not see #14 in the Daily 49er?! I went to Cal State Long Beach from 2013 to 2017!! When was the article about the dude jerkin' his gerkin' published?!

  21. hahahha 3:22 hahhaa obviously too young to know thats not an animal cruelty but more of a Clinton/Levinsky joke (at least as i get it…) πŸ˜‰

  22. Homeless man under house arrest, also dead men was sentenced to dead penalty… but judge is thinking on changing his sentence to life in prison, he is said to be released and returned to his grave as soon as any one figures out what the hell is happening.

  23. Why are y'all hating on her voice, it's so cute and adorable. I don't understand who could hate that voice. I love all the voices on this YouTube channel

  24. Doopie’s voice is so sweet! Even though she does swear sometimes, I still find her voice very soothing during my commute. She is perhaps my favorite narrator here, besides Danger Dolan.

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