Beard Hunk – SNL

Beard Hunk – SNL


>>ONE HUNK WITH A SCULPTED
BEARD. TWENTY-FIVE BEAUTIFUL-ADJACENT
LADIES. WHO WILL HE CHOOSE TO BE HIS
BRIDE? IT ALL HAPPENS TONIGHT ON “BEARD
HUNK.”>>HI, I’M NICK, AND THIS SEASON
THERE’S GONNA BE A LOT OF DRAMA, A LOT OF EXCITEMENT, AND AS
ALWAYS, MINIMAL ASIANS. I CAN’T WAIT.
>>MMM. I LIKE THIS.
>>SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.>>WELL, MY NAME IS RAQUEL.
I’M 24 BUT MY FACE IS 36. AND I’M THE WORST GIRL IN ANY
ROOM I’M IN.>>I LIKE THAT.
ALSO I’M A BUSINESS OWNER.>>WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS?
>>OKAY, I’M NOT.>>SORRY, CAN I STEAL HIM FOR A
SEC? MM, I LIKE THIS.
>>SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.>>WELL, UM, MY NAME IS
WHATEVER. ALSO, OF ALL THE GIRLS HERE, I
HAVE THE MOST ABRUPT OMBRE. AND I’M LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND
EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE.
>>HOW OLD ARE YOU?>>26.
>>THAT IS OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE.>>OH WELL.
>>SORRY, CAN I STEAL HIM FOR A SEC?
>>MMM. I LIKE THIS.
>>SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.>>MY NAME IS ALLY AND I WAS
BORN IN AN ASHLEY. SORRY, MY NAME IS ASHLEY AND I
WAS BORN IN AN ALLEY.>>I LIKE THAT.
>>ALSO, I HAVE A TWIN SISTER. AND THIS IS REALLY HARD TO TELL
YOU, BUT SHE’S SICK. OF THE WAY I TREAT HER.
>>SORRY, CAN I STEAL HIM FOR A SEC?
MM, I LIKE THIS. I’VE BEEN WAITING TO TALK TO YOU
ALL NIGHT. CUZ IT IS 5:30 IN THE MORNING.
>>SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. WHEN WAS YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP?
>>WELL, I WAS MARRIED LAST YEAR.
>>OH, REALLY?>>YES, TO YOU.
>>OH, RIGHT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>>SORRY CAN I STEAL HIM FOR A SEC?
MM, I LIKE THIS.>>SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.
>>WELL, I’M A VETERINARIAN SO I LOVE ANIMALS.
BUT I’M ALSO A VERY SEXUAL PERSON, SO I’D LOVE TO JACK YOU
OFF WHENEVER YOU WANT.>>I LIKE THAT.
>>AND HERE’S ANOTHER LITTLE SECRET ABOUT ME.
I DON’T HAVE A GAG REFLEX.>>THAT’S HOT.
>>YEAH. BUT I DO HAVE FOUR VERY SHARP TEETH.
>>CAN I STEAL HIM FOR A SEC? NICK, I’M SO LUCKY TO BE HERE.
IN FACT, I’M LUCKY TO BE ALIVE AT ALL I WAS BORN EIGHT MONTHS
EARLY. I WAS IN AN INCUBATOR FOR FIVE
YEARS. THE DOCTORS SPENT MILLIONS OF
DOLLARS TO KEEP ME ALIVE. AND I SURVIVED.
>>WOW. WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?
>>I PROMOTE ICED TEA ON INSTAGRAM.
>>SORRY, CANISTEALHIMFORSEC? NICK, I WANT TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING. I HAVE A DAUGHTER.
SHE’S 3 AND SHE’S MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD.
>>WHERE IS SHE RIGHT NOW?>>I THINK AT LIKE THE
NEIGHBOR’S OR SOMETHING. SHE’S ALWAYS WITH ME BECAUSE I
HAVE A DRAWING.>>SHE’S A GOOD ARTIST.
>>OH, NO, I DID THIS.>>SORRYCANISTEALHIMFORASEC?
>>TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.>>I’M A JUDGMENTAL BITCH.
>>CAN I STEAL HIM FOR A SEC?>>I FEEL SO SAFE RIGHT NOW.
>>TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOURSELF.>>MY FAVORITE ANIMAL IS A FROG.
BECAUSE I LOVE THE WATER. AND MY EYE COLOR IS GREEN.
AND I DO PEE AND POOP OUT OF THE SAME HOLE.
>>NICK, I’VE BEEN LYING TO YOU AND I NEED TO COME CLEAN.
I HAVE FIVE STDs.>>THAT’S OKAY.
I DON’T MIND.>>ALSO I DIDN’T BRING A BIKINI.
I ONLY BROUGHT A ONE-PIECE.>>I’LL WALK YOU OUT.
>>WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE “BEARD HUNK.”
[ APPLAUSE ]

100 thoughts on “Beard Hunk – SNL

  1. Am I the only one who thinks Beck Bennett and Aidy Bryant have chemistry in real life? There is something going on between these two. I know it I know it I know it.

  2. I was on board with Felicity until she mentioned her STDs. Beck is an idiot. He should just get back with Kate; at least he'll know what to expect.

  3. There are so many Sketches with Felicity Jones and Beck Bennet together. Is there something between them? I know they are both married but… ^^

  4. What I just witnessed is the materialisation of the expression,"You are gonna be so popular that ladies will have to wait in a queue."

  5. I was really hoping that the girl with the scarf's confession would consist of her removing the scarf and her head falling off, like that kid's book 😂

  6. “Well, I’m a judge-mental bitch, and for my job I work at hooters” “That’s hot” “Yeah it’s so hot because I work in the kitchen”

  7. "out of all of the girls here I have the most abrupt ombre…" OMG I totally spit out my coffee all over my desk

  8. oh FUCK! Why must they put that fat pig Aidy Bryant in these sketches? As if they're trying to say that ALL women are desirable – but you fucken morbidly obese unhealthy cunts are decidedly NOT desirable – you're nauseating! Stop eating for one second, you food-vacuums!
    Why does she keep coming back so frequently? And look at the grotesque way she PLOMPS herself down in the seat every time – I'm about to throw up! What the fuck, woman?! Where do your horrid tits end and your gunt begins?! FUCK!

  9. I don't think Felicity was quite as into this as the other women. Maybe the Bachelor's more of an American thing.
    Also her accent was slipping through a bit. 😉

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