Can you recover fully without telling your therapist everything? Tumblr Tuesday!! #KatiFAQ

Can you recover fully without telling your therapist everything? Tumblr Tuesday!! #KatiFAQ

76 thoughts on “Can you recover fully without telling your therapist everything? Tumblr Tuesday!! #KatiFAQ

  1. #katifaq hi kati this is my question. I would like to tell my parents about my problems like sh and suicidal thoughts. And I would like to get into therapy. But I'm afraid they will blame themselves and it's not really their fault. Any tips? Thanks and love your videos:). p.s. I've never ask a question before. So I hope I did this right!:

  2. Hey kati! Im not sure who asked the last question but if you could get back to them about the hole wanting to see a therapist with out parents knowing well you can! I live in the US and here we are able to see a counselor..well a school counselor they are called project success counselors which means they have gone to college for 4 years and are able to be assigned a school to help kids out they are not like guidance counselors they have the same rules as a license counselor and they are really helpful! Im on summer vacation so im not able to see a a counselor because I don't want my parents knowing but when school comes around..(even if i don't think i need to see my counselor) I always get referred to her. Which is not bad its honestly very helpful. So maybe that person could do something like that?

  3. KatiFAQ: Hi Kati, thankyou so much for the videos – so much of what you've said has helped me immensely. When I was sixteen I was diagnosed with anorexia. That was in 2008, and physically I've been recovered for five years. However, I have not had a single day where I've been free of the voices and low self-esteem. I don't feel like I have the self control to be anorexic again, and I've definitely got a healthier outlook, in that I want to be strong rather than thin, because I know that will help with my running, which is the only thing which makes me happy anymore and the only thing I feel I'm any good at. But I still find it virtually impossible to have a full meal – I'm stuck in a cycle of 'grazing', and intuitive eating scares me. I'm 21 now, and I'm so afraid that I will never be free of this. I want to feel free to eat with family friends – but right now I almost enjoy eating those little portions, even though I know I'm eating the same amount anyway. Will these voices and behaviours ever go away? I'm so scared, and I just want so badly to be free of this mental anorexia. Thankyou.     

  4. #KatiFAQ Is it okay to count calories if you're mostly just trying to make sure you eat enough (between 1200-1500 ish)? Even if it sometimes still bothers you if you can't know how many calories you've consumed (like when you don't know the nutritional information)…?

  5. Journal topics like this are SO hard for me because I feel like I'm literally not good at anything. I've had workbooks with exercises like this and I always end up skipping them because I just feel like I'm lying to myself if I write down positive things 🙁

  6. Lately I've been having dreams that relatives of mine have pasted away like my dad, brother, grandma and it's happened a few times and I would wake up with tears down my face. Does this mean anything or is it just a dumb nightmare?

  7. I'm a nurse and I get to work with young new nurses who are just starting out in life. As it get to know them, I have noticed that some are really good at communicating, or they are good at making you laugh, or they are courageous, or they are hard working, or they are very thoughtful. Every person has talents in different ways. Many of the young nurses compare themselves to each other and think that they are not as smart or quick. But they are awesome in other ways. I have to remind myself of that too.

  8. #katifaq  What effect do you think chronic pain has on mental health? I live with chronic pain and have since I got hit by a car 8 years ago. (Don't text and drive!) There are days where I, physically, can't get out of bed. I am medicated for bipolar disorder but I still experience crippling depression as a result of living with chronic pain. The days I can't get out of bed are the days I contemplate suicide. I also get really angry and bitter about the pain I live with. What do you do when, at this point, there isn't much that can be done about your physical pain but it is greatly affecting your mental health?

  9. #katifaq is suicide still considered selfish if you want to do it because you feel your family would be happier without you?

  10. #katifaq what is a healthy therapeutic relationship in relation to a relationship with a spouse? How can my Spouse feel more included in my recovery? My husband came to a session today for the first time to begin to learn how to help support me. During the session, I began to feel badly that my therapist knows more about and how deeply I'm hurting than my husband does. He's my husband and I almost feel guilty that he's not the one I confide in 100% for my issues. I was just wondering your thoughts on balancing those two relationships. Thanks!

  11. #katiFAQ
    Do you think its possible to have too much therapy? I've had CBT from probably a dozen therapists in as many years. Is it time to just suck it up and forget about it?
    Btw That is such a great quote!

  12. #KatiFAQ Hey, I struggle with anxiety, It's getting to the point where I binge eat during the day because I know that once my roommate gets home I'll not be able to come out of my room. She came home early one night and I was in the bathroom, it took me an hour of standing in the bathroom freaking out before I could will the courage to open the door and run to my room. I have been sexually abused my whole life by my oldest brother, and I finally spoke up about it, and now I feel like I have words on my face and all over my skin of what he did to me, I feel so afraid of people seeing me and I'm pushing everyone away, which in return is making me really depressed and suicidal and self harm. I feel like I'm bringing this all on myself.. How can I face people when I feel like they can see right through to all the broken parts of me? I am seeing a therapist already but things only seem to be getting worse

  13. #KatiFAQ
    You had said " what makes you unique" which lead me to the question what color are your eyes ? They change so dramatically but normally change along with the colors you are wearing And didn't know if that was uniquely just your eyes or if you wear contact. Either way it's freaking Awesome.

  14. #katifaq Hi Kati i love love love your videos you are AMAZING!
    My question is:
    I've been seeing my therapist for a few months now. I see her in a crisis centre. I'm only allowed a certain amount of sessions but have gone over as she is helping me find another place as I'm too high risk to just leave.
    Now that we've found somewhere and im on the waiting list I'll still see my current therapist until i get my place. However, since we're coming to the end i find myself hiding important things from her. Like that my family has become more abusive and that i have literally been covered in bruises in front of her hiding them and saying I'm fine when it feels like I've gone backwards.

  15. Here in Spain we get it through the state and then we assigned a psychiatrist which is the one we are talking to also, so we do not pay for it here the state does

  16. #KatiFAQ how do we deal with a*sholes? 
    I guess in our lives we're always going to be forced to deal with people we don't like, people who tear our confidence down by being arrogant and treating us like we're less than everyone else. Maybe they actually are better than us, they're more intelligent and have a more successful lives, but I don't think that should give them the right to treat people that way. Is there a way to better cope with this? Thank you so much for your work! (Sorry for my English, I'm Spanish) 

  17. #KatiFAQ How would you talk back to scared voices/parts? How would you comfort them when you're terrified yourself?

  18. KatiFAQ: I'm 15 years old. I've been out of therapy for 2-3months now, and I recently feel like I need help again and my problems seem to be getting exponentially worse. I asked my mom about going back, but finances are a problem. Do they offer free therapy, is there a way I can get help if money is an inssue? -Thank You 🙂

  19. Hey Kati. I 'm not sure the best way to contact you is but I went through your old videos and made a list of most of your journal topics. Maybe you could share this google spreadsheet?

  20. #KATIFAQ
    Hi Kati, I have difficulty being honest in my therapy sessions. I've been struggling more than what I've told her not because I don't trust her or anything just because I feel like I've failed on getting better and I'm embarrassed.
    Do you have any tips on how to vent and be completely honest?
    In particular with bringing up past traumatic experiences with my depression… Thanks so much.

  21. #katifaq  hi kati, my question is Why do i always attach myself to the people who are bad for my mental health. i am currently dealing with anxiety and an e.d, recently i stopped being friends with a girl who was encouraging my e.d and making me anxious all the time but i find myself always around her. thanks

  22. #Katifaq
    What can we do to help those who have overdosed but don't live in the same country ?

    This has happened to me recently and I didn't no what to do other than try and get the person to get help.

  23. #katifaq hi kati im 16 and i love your videos-my question- I overthink alot and I cant explain what I feel or think sometimes I cant put it into words when I try telling someone about what I think verbally. I cant open up that well.when im stressed out I constantly have thoughts and I cant stop them.i try to talk back to my inner voice but it doesn't help. My counsellor has advised me to write journals and I do write them..but my thoughts are too many and I cant always write them on a piece of also confused about my future. I try talking it out but im unable to express because I dont know what to say. Please help! ( I aslo suffer from SH and maladaptive daydreaming) p.s sorry if its too long

  24. #katifaq How can you deal with a diagnosis that you are very afraid of? My therapist of three years has just told me she would probably diagnose me with borderline personality disorder when I constantly denied it for the last years that I have BPD. I am very shocked and scared, because I associate BPD with so many negative things, especially as I have a friend who struggles with it and who is very difficult to deal with: She has soo many impulsive, seemingly attention-seeking and dangerous behaviours, she comes across as manipulative and doesn't have any stable relationships at all, etc. I am very scared that she might diagnose me with it because I am scared people might find me annoying or manipulative or something like that, because I know how hard it is to be friends with someone with BPD sometimes. Even though I think a diagnosis would help me in taking my problems seriously, I am very scared, because even though I am educated on BPD and have done DBT therapy, my mind still connects BPD with adjectives like "crazy", "attention-seeking", "manipulative", "hopeless to recover", "tiring", "annoying" etc. I have also made the experience that other people have similar misconceptions towards people with BPD, too. Please help!

  25. #katiFAQ hi kati! here is my question 🙂
    i just wanted to say i think you're amazing and thank you for all that you do!! i've had severe depression, SH and anxiety with panic attacks for nearly 4 years but am only just starting to get help and had my first CBT appointment last week. however i'm really anxious about the amount of sessions i get as i'm in the UK and therapy is limited, and i'm worried i won't be able to start to recover in this time as i feel i have so much to work through, any advice? also, my therapist says i have to decide between CBT or counselling as she only does CBT, but i have no idea what would be best for me? i want to keep seeing her but also feel i need to talk through some things. i really do want to recover but its been so long i can't remember what it feels like to not have these issues and just want to give up. my SH and suicidal thoughts are very strong and i don't know how to fight the urges, help! xxx

  26. #KatiFAQ
    I've been in therapy since I was 15 and I'm 19 years old now and still seeing the same therapist. Would it be possible to "take back" the agreement I made with my therapist about disclosing stuff to my parents since I'm an adult now? I want to come out to my therapist but am afraid of her wanting me to do the same with my parents (by bringing them in to the session) and I don't want that to happen. Thanks!

  27. Why do I feel like no one cares or listens to me unless I'm really sick? I went into treatment back in 2008 for anorexia and self harm. Ever since I got out I feel like my parents don't care. I've asked them to stop making certain comments or talking about my sister's diet because it bothers me A LOT ( why force me to eat when they are so eager to help my sister diet when she doesn't really need to?). I always get a response about how I'm being selfish and rude and that I need to "get over it". It just makes me want to get back to that point in my life even more so. If you could respond on here or video or something, that would be awesome because I feel very alone. … P.s. I love watching your videos 🙂

  28. Hi Kati, I'm a child and family therapist in Toronto Canada. I just wanted to tell you I really enjoy your videos and refer many of my teen clients to them. Great job Katie
    Dan from

  29. If you don't want your parents knowing your in therapy or counseling, be careful using insurance. They send a 'benefit summary' every month or so and if you use your parents insurance it will list your counseling appointments. I'm in my 30's and my mom found out about my therapy because she opened my mail from the insurance company.

  30. You should put a title slide for the certain questions so we can scrub through the video to find the certain question instead of watching the entire video. Thanks!

  31. In the Netherlands the age when you're 16 your parents don't have to know anything.  I am actually 15 still, but because it is my birthday in 2 months they allow me to keep it quiet too.

  32. I know this is over a year ago but my therapist made a few comparisons and compared herself to me and knowing she is more successful then me and has a job and family and I have major depression disorder and BPD as well as PTSD and Anxiety, I self harm as well… I don't find much reason to be here but I do it for my cats and believe me it is hard to fight the battles of depression when all I want to do is disappear. I feel like a worthless nobody and I don't feel I deserve to be here. I recently was in a psychiatric hospital back in July of this year, actually July 5th and was there for the week. I don't want to go back though and besides I have no one to watch my cats.. They have been the greatest support but even when they get sick I freak out and I would not be able to deal with it if something were to happen to them. I am by myself and don't have no one. I appreciate your work Kati and your videos.. It makes me feel less alone. Thank you for what you do! Love you! Xoxo ❤️

  33. That quote is literally my favourite quote ever and I use it as my background on my laptop and it was my description thingy on my old Twitter account

  34. I just wanted to say thank you, as someone who has struggled her whole life with mental health issues, currently diagnosed BPD,PTSD, I work every single day to keep myself functioning properly, and not giving in to self harm behaviours, sometimes it can be a daily struggle, but with people like you and things like DBT, CBT and mindfulness/hypnosis I can live a fairly "normal" life. knowing that resources are slowly becoming mainstream is such a blessing for those of us who suffer. So ya thanks. 🙂 #ENDSTIGMA

  35. #katiFAQ Hi Kati! My question is how do I get the help I need? My mother died by suicide April of 2015. I want to see a therapist but I don't have insurance and I don't work. Before her death I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Now I think I have PTSD for that and my kids were removed from my care. I feel lost. Please help.

  36. The last part of this video about comparing was so beautiful. Perfect advice for the season of life I am in! Thank you Katie!!!!!!

  37. In regards to choosing therapy or even seeing a psychiatrist when you're underage, you can. 12 would be really pushing it, and I believe you'd definitely have to have an older individual or adult come with you. When my little sister (about 15 at the time) wanted to see a doctor but was afraid to tell our parents [I'm 7 years older and thus an adult].. honestly, the biggest issue was insurance. Because you need your parent's social security # to bypass not having the physical card. With her, I could cast it all under going to "talk to someone" aka therapy – and leave out the medication part. If you can pay cash, you can get medical treatment without your parents knowing – just by saying you have no insurance. If you're really young, it helps to have an adult present.. but 16/17.. you're not going to be questioned. Also, if you go to college before 18 and utilize their free or discounted health programs – there's no insurance involved, and thus no patents. Also, the easiest way to keep a doctor/therapist from contacting your parents – use you own phone number and don't list an emergency contact. This is the age of cell phones. Short of a baker act and having police sent out to the house address listed, there's no way for a therapist to figure out how to call your parents. I say this not to simply skirt the rules, but because I've seen teens desperately need help & their parents standing in the way. So those are the US facts/loopholes.

  38. Just wanted to comment that in other developed countries you also have the choice of therapy. Maybe some countries cover CBT therapy through government coverage, but that does not mean there's no choice to go with other types, which will ne covered either through private insurance or paid out of pocket.

  39. Kati, in Canada we have the “luxury” of picking the therapist we want. Psychiatrists are covered by our universal health coverage. Other sorts of therapists would be covered by people’s work plans like dental care and drugs.

  40. My parents should watch this video! They often compare me to others according to how they think my life should be going. Not only is it annoying, it's hurtful and has caused me to be really harsh on myself. I've learned that when we compare ourselves to others, we abandon ourselves. We are not practicing self love. As you stated nobody is as unique as ourselves so we need to look inward and honor who we are individually.

  41. I read somewhere that CBT is bad for ADHD.Just because goals might be harder for them? If that's so what kind of therapy would be right for people with ADHD?I reaaaallly hate it when my therapist asks me to say how I feel from 1-10.I feel like for me this is fruitless.

  42. I saw psychiatrist once while with children's last year. He saw me three times, and would only meet with me if my mother was in the room with us. Because if this there were things I didn't tell him, like my sexual orientation, past sexual assault, etc. Because I didn't want my mother to know. He diagnosed me, and accused me of lying for attention. I have been reserved with my people ever since. The thought that I might be lying terrifies me. How do I know if I'm lying about my issues?

  43. You have to be enicipated i was when i was young had to and i do not release. Nothing to family my parents are dead i have no one i wish i had a therapist like you i dont think mine gets it i missed therapy 3 times due to noway there

  44. The only problem with the Einstein quote is when the thing you're comparatively bad at is something basic. Any animal that cannot eat without self-induced vomiting is screwed up.

  45. Do you think that therapy in a single payer system, is less flexible and limits patient’s choices as opposed to American Healthcare?

  46. You don't know anything about socialized medicine. Lived in England, France and Germany and you get to pick your therapist. Yes, sometimes there are obnoxious waiting lists but you have a choice. Do you think they assign you someone and that's who you have to take? Complete nonsense. You are likely more limited in the states because you need to pick someone who will accept your insurance unless you are made of money and can pay cash.

  47. #KatiFAQ Hi Kati, my husband and I started going to therapy and we have a lot of issues to work through. My husband and I regularly smoke weed bc it helps us with physical chronic pain we have been experiencing (him with migraines and me with back pain). Our emotional issues and trauma has very little-nothing to do with our physical ailments. Is it necessary to bring up that we smoke? We are afriad of being labeled by our therapists as drug "addicts" and/or having it be told to our jobs and us getting fired since we live where it isn't legal yet. I don't want my therapists to ignore what things about me really matter to focus on drugs that have done nothing but help me and should be legal.

  48. In addition to severe childhood trauma, I have experienced substance abuse problems too and although I've been clean for a significant period in the past, my benzodiazepine use is still there but only at maybe 5-10mgs diazepam / day. This doesn't wash with most therapists who require me to be completely free from any amount of substances. I understand that there are rules in place with therapies insofar that you cannot be intoxicated during sessions, else therapy is of little to no benefit since you are in a drastically altered state of mind. 5-10mgs of diazepam per day isn't what I'd consider to be an intoxicating dose, especially as I'm very much tolerant to the dose. It doesn't affect my day-to-day activities or cognition as I scored firsts in 7 modules and 1 x 2:1 in my second year of a MSci and am predicted a first / distinction overall. It's really hard because the trauma and the use of benzos go hand in hand but I have to lie about any benzo use to a therapist if I want treatment, even though some people receive therapy who are on much more heavy-duty meds and doses. To me it's like excluding someone from therapy who drinks one can of light beer 3-4 times a week of an evening. It feels really important to mention both the trauma and the light benzo use but if I do, I'm refused therapy.

  49. Why are therapists and teachers so quick to blame the child and never confront parents? Child comes in and says parents are alcoholics, and then never say let's get your parents into AA, just let's learn how to cope with your parents who we cant change

  50. Whoa, people in the US have to wait until they're 18 to have the right to confidentiality? Shit, that's terrible… here in Quebec we have that right at 14. Some therapists use the fact that you're young to violate your right, though…

  51. For the multiple therapy’s in one session, it can also include if the therapist is familiar with the certain therapy’s. Most therapist know cbt, but not all do dbt, emdr, etc. so it honestly depends on their comfort zone of their training.

  52. On tumblr how do we send a message to you that you can answer privately? Thank you for being so wonderful. I haven't gotten out of bed for 2 days but your channel keeps me entertained 💖

  53. This is a good one. I have a hard time opening up on certain things with my therapist. I’m just too embarrassed and ashamed.

  54. how do I know I have a good therapist? my therapist seems to not give much feedback and when she does is something I already know. She just smiles the whole time.

  55. For the first question, I did DBT a while ago, and it was set up in a way where I got talk therapy that incorporated DBT skills in my own personal problems. We then had a separate group, like you talked about, and talked about what the skills were and that was like our “class” to learn skills. It was very beneficial for me. I have since moved and have yet to find something like that, but I’m seeing a therapist who incorporates DBT and CBT skills through talk therapy.

  56. I'm so glad I have private insurance. Having minimal treatment based on cost sounds like a nightmare

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