How do I judge my work? Well, if the front page doesn’t end up on Media Watch then I’m not doing my job. When someone picks up a copy of the Tele they can expect fair and balanced journalism. They’ll be disappointed, but they’re welcome to expect it. The Daily Telegraph is Sydney’s most read newspaper. It’s a responsibility we take very seriously and I think our photoshops reflect that. I’ve got some basic templates that I use. There’s: Nazi Zombie As you can see I keep those templates in the ALP folder. It may seem harsh but we’re tough on the Libs too. I once put Scott Morrison on the front page as Superman. So… balance. How long do you want the horns on Sarah Hanson-Young? Yeah, longer. And she’ll need a goatee, Darren. I always find with Photoshops that it’s important to make sure it still looks a bit shit. You don’t want people thinking Bill Shorten is an actual zombie. I mean, we are still a newspaper… sort of. My job is to write really witty and clever headlines But I just normally write puns. I remember my first front page headline like it was yesterday. “Ji-had-it” Still makes me laugh. I’ve always believed the best way to talk about terrorism… is with a play on words. What if we called him “Dill Shorten”? I dunno, it’s pretty high-brow. Can’t we just call him Bill Shorten? Caroline, I’m going to need to speak with you in my office. When I got this job at The Daily Telegraph I was kind of hoping I’d be doing more investigative work. But so far, they’ve just had me transcribing Gardening Australia for any signs of left-wing bias. Someone’s gotta do it. I think we’re just really inspired by just seeing Mark in the office. He’s been doing this for years but he’s just
still so full of ideas. I know it’s a politics story, but can you get Jen Hawkins on there? Alright, headline idea. Hear me out… “Turnbull-shit” Well you come up with something better then! C’mon, the Blues! Alright. For the front page I want Richard Di Natale in just a turtleneck, no pants. I want to see his little environmentally friendly scrote. Yeah? Alright. What am I most proud of at my time at the Daily Telegraph? I think it’s probably the stance we took against online bullying. Online bullying must end. If you want to bully someone, you should do it in a major metropolitan newspaper like everyone else.