Donald Trump’s One And Only Newspaper Endorsement

Donald Trump’s One And Only Newspaper Endorsement


WE’VE BEEN TALKING TIM KAINE AND
MIKE PENCE TONIGHT. ONE OF THOSE MEN WILL BE THE
48th VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. THE OTHER WILL BE ON “DANCING
WITH THE STARS.” ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, — THIS IS– THIS IS SOMEWHAT
SURPRISING– THE “USATODAY” HAS WEIGHED IN ON
A PRESIDENTIAL RACE, CALLING DONALD TRUMP “UNFIT FOR THE
PRESIDENCY.” THAT’S RIGHT, IF DONALD TRUMP
WINS, “USA TODAY” BELIEVES, THERE’S– THERE’S–
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MELISSA, MELISSA, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE FOR MY
LAST SHOW.>>MY PLEASURE.>>Stephen: THAT’S RIGHT. I’LL TRY THIS JOKE AGAIN. ( LAUGHTER )
IF TRUMP WINS, “USATODAY” BELIEVES THERE’S NO “USA
TOMORROW.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) THIS COULD HAVE– WAIT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? THIS COULD HAVE A HUGE INFLUENCE
ON HOTEL HALLWAY FLOORS. ( LAUGHTER )
THIS IS A HUGE DEAL. THE “USATODAY” HAS NEVER
ENDORSED A CANDIDATE, AND THEY STILL HAVEN’T BECAUSE WHILE
THEY’RE AGAINST TRUMP, THEY’RE STILL NOT FOR HILLARY, WRITING
“THE EDITORIAL BOARD DOES NOT HAVE A CONSENSUS FOR A CLINTON
ENDORSEMENT. OUR BOTTOM-LINE ADVICE FOR
VOTERS IS STAY TRUE TO YOUR CONVICTIONS. THAT MIGHT MEAN A VOTE FOR
CLINTON, OR IT MIGHT MEAN A THIRD-PARTY CANDIDATE, OR A
WRITE-IN.” ( LAUGHTER )
OR A PLASTIC BAG AND RUBBER BAND THAT CAN FIT AROUND YOUR NECK. THE POINT IS, YOU HAVE OPTIONS. NOW, WHILE THE “USATODAY” DIDN’T
ENDORSE HILLARY, REPUBLICAN NEWSPAPERS LIKE THE “ARIZONA
REPUBLIC” AND “CINCINATTI ENQUIRER,” HAVE. MAKING HER THE FIRST DEMOCRAT
THEY HAVE EVER ENDORSED.( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, DONALD TRUMP HAS
EARNED ZERO PRESIDENTIAL
ENDORSEMENTS FROM AMERICA’S 50 BIGGEST NEWSPAPERS. ING THAT SHOING THAT– THAT IS
SHOCKING. THERE ARE STILL 50 NEWSPAPERS? BUT MY CRACK RESEARCH TEAM DID
FIND ONE NEWSPAPER THAT HAS ENDORSED DONALD TRUMP. JOINING US LIVE VIA SATELLITE
FROM GANGRENE, WISCONSIN, PLEASE WELCOME THE EDITOR IN CHIEF OF
THE “OH,LY BOIRCHGLY SUPERMARKET’S AD CIRCULAR. MR. CARL TOLAN.>>OH,LY, BOIRCHGLY, STEPHEN.>>Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
BEING HERE.>>IT’S MY PLEASURE. STEPHEN, WOULD YOU CARE FOR A
FREE SAMPLE OF DELICIOUS GORTON’S FISH STICKS? IT’S 30% OFF, LIMIT FIVE PER
HOUSEHOLD.>>Stephen: I’M IN NEW YORK,
CARL.>>OKAY, I’LL MAIL THEM TO YOU. YOU ARE THE EDITOR IN CHIEF PER
THE OINKLY-BOINKLY AD CIRCULAR I AM. A LOT OF PRESSURE, I CAN
UNDERSTAND THAT.>>WHAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP OF
YOUR CIRCULAR?>>TODAY I WOULD SAY LOOKS TO BE
ABOUT SEVEN. , OF COURSE, YOU CAN’T TELL THE
EXACT NUMBER SINCE WE USED SOME OF THE CIRCULARS TO MOP UP
SPILLS.>>Stephen: AND– AND WHY DID
YOU MAKE THE BOLD DECISION TO ENDORSE DONALD TRUMP FOR
PRESIDENT?>>WELL, I JUST BELIEVE IN HIS
MESSAGE, STEPHEN. TRUMP WANTS TO MAKE AMERICA
GREAT AGAIN. SPEAKING OF GREAT, THIS WEEK
ONLY, YOU CAN SAVE 40 CENTS ON KRAFT PARMESAN CHEESE, NOW WITH
A FLAVOR LOCK CAP.>>Stephen: OKAY, SO, I
UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE YOUR SLOGAN, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE WALL WITH
MEXICO? WHAT ABOUT THAT?>>
>>WELL, I CERTAINLY BELIEVE WE NEED TO PROTECT OUR BORDER TOWNS
LIKE OLD EL PASO. ( LAUGHTER )
I’M NOT SURE MEXICO WILL PAY FOR IT, BUT FOR JUST PENNIES A
SERVING, EVERY NIGHT CAN CAN BE TACO TUESDAY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).>>Stephen: OKAY, WELL THAT’S
A MESSAGE– THAT’S A MESSAGE OF HOPE. I THINK WE’RE GETTING OFF TRACK
HERE, CARL. WHAT ABOUT TRUMP’S CONTROVERSIAL
STATEMENTS REGARDING MINORITIES, MUSLIMS AND EVEN ABOUT MISS
UNIVERSE PULLING ON WEIGHT.>>YES, ALL OF THAT IS HORRIBLE,
BUT IF YOU’RE LOOKING TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN
SLIM-FAST MEAL REPLACEMENT SHAKES. BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE. NEW LOOK SAME GREAT TASTE.>>Stephen: CARL, I HATE TO
CALL YOU OUT ON THIS BUT YOU CLEARLY JUST ENDORSED TRUMP TO
PROMOTE SALES. IF YOU WANTED TO MENTION YOUR
SPECIALS ON A TV SHOW, COULDN’T YOU HAVE EASILY ENDORSED CAPITOL
HILL KENNEDY HILL?>>I DON’T KNOW, THERE’S
SOMETHING ABOUT A TRUMP PRESIDENCY THAT MAKES PEOPLE
WANT TO STOCK UP ON CANNED GOES. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN
LEGUIZAMO.

100 thoughts on “Donald Trump’s One And Only Newspaper Endorsement

  1. Santa Barbara News Press has endorsed Trump, out of Santa Barbara, California. The news press was bought out by Wendy McCaw and is the only news paper in California to endorse Trump. I live in SB, not that shocked by the endorsement from Wendy McCaw.

  2. Simple. All news are owned by Jews including even this comedy news channel we are watching. Jews don't want trump in power.

  3. Good one Late Show. Piggly Wiggly = Oinkily Boinkily. Too bad most of the people in Wisconsin don't talk like that. (Especially me) At least it wasn't as bad as SNL's skit with the Fond Du Lac news station. (They don't even have one)

  4. That's because Trump doesn't pay the newspapers to endorse him. Clinton just uses Clinton Foundation money to do it.

  5. Does George Soros give you, Stephen Colbert, your pay through the Network or do you get a plain brown envelope at home???

  6. "dance, dance, dance…" LoL leave a penny, take a dollar.

    BUT, did you see how many subscriptions Arizona newspaper lost for their endorsement of Hilary?! Ouch.

    Personally, its hard for me to understand why these are the two best choices for President of any country in the world let alone the United States. This was the best we could do?! 🙁

  7. Doomsday Preppers:
    "I'm preparing for a category-5 hurricane."
    "I'm preparing for a magnitude 8 earthquake."
    "I'm preparing for a Trump presidency."

  8. Who cares about newspapers endorsements….they're all owned by the came corporate elites who back Hillary cause she will do what they want. Trump has the endorsement from the border guards, generals, and admirals.

  9. Given what the Trumpster represents–far right wing fascism of KKK, NRA, Alt-Right, Breitbart–NOT endorsing Hillary showed USA Today as NOT having BALLS!

  10. hahaha urbane Stehpen Colbert, yes lets all us civlized coastal dwellers laugh at the Rust Belt folks. Enjoy it while you can, because we always voted Democrat, and they stabbed us in the back, and fucked over our lives, communities, and our children! Pay back's gonna be bitch when we shove a Trump victory right up your ass!!!!

  11. We have lived under jewish supremecy. Hollywood is owned and ran by jews. almost all talk show hosts are jews and all communist are jews or brainwashed liberals. They hate Trump because they see Trump will not go along with their grand secret plans for the new world order of communism, where they, the jewish elite will have even more money and power plus a police state to back them up. If you cant see that then you need to turn off te TV and look at reality. The book publishing, news outlets, movies, TV shows, commercials now demonize the white race, especially white race men. Jewish people dont consider themselves as white race. The jews are always promoting diversity, and yet the media is not diverse. All people that work for the jews talk about the things they are told to talk about. they are made to spin everything they way the jews tell them to. The music industry is using rap to glorify black men a dnt o rpomote low morals for our youth. Rap should have died out decades ago, it isnt even music and anyone can do it. This isnt about Trmp, or the left or right, it is about common sense and waking up to the jewish agenda of world control, of race mixing out the white race.

  12. UGH…Pence on Dancing with the Stars…hope he picks the robot dance… because that is the only dance can imagine that brainless heartless tin man doing.

  13. I love Colbert. I can't wait till after all this crap is over, and he gets back to other stuff. his home runs whacks at the election are in danger of being accused of steroid use.

  14. – be me
    – 7 years old
    – pretend to be foreigner
    – only knowledge of us politics is from Pepe the frog memes
    – say something dumb "I know he's a racist and fucking creep, but how is there a chance shitllary will win?"
    – proceed to get 500 likes

  15. Stephen was stumbling over his words a bit during this episode, not just in the one clip…

    I guess the debate was so boring it put him to sleep and he woke up 3 minutes before the show.

  16. Trump has received plenty of newspaper endorsement, the National Enquirer (which he also thinks is a trustworthy source), the New York Post .. oh wait you're talking about endorsements from ACTUAL papers. Then, not so much.

  17. Shill harder for Hillary, Stephen lol. I think there is still a cubic millimeter up her ass that you haven't managed to crawl into yet!

  18. I bet no one in these comments knows Oinkly Boinkly is a joke on an actual grocery store in the south called Piggly Wiggly. It can not be more cartoonish

  19. 95% of the news media is owned by 6 corporations. They all are run at least partially by trilateralists. hitlery represents this club. Trump does not. This is why he is not endorsed by any of the 6 corporate newspapers. Saying "50 newspapers" is like saying coke and sprite are 2 different soft drink companies.

  20. If Trump moves into the Oval office I think I'm just gonna leave Maryland, going to NY and crossing the border by Niagara Falls into Canada.

  21. this is so true, i'm in Botswana and i've already started stocking up. by november i should have enough to last at least partway through the nuclear winter

  22. When this is actually live on TV, is it still censored? If so, HOW? I like censorship, but the majority of people say bad words. It would only make sense if the miNority did. And when they do censor it, the reason why it seems useless, is because they can pick and choose what's "bad," or not. They should actually hire a person who doesn't say bad words and have them actually censor it. That way, it won't be useless.

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