P: Hey guys, (D: Waddup, hi.) So, I’m here with…
[drum roll] D:…Dan? P: Dan! (D: What?) -in case you don’t know. (D: Hi!) P: And today we are going to be looking inside our brains via our Instagram Explore pages. D: I don’t really know why I’m here, but when Phil said that, I felt scared… (P: Yeah!) D: I don’t know if I’ve signed up to something that I’m about to regret. P: So, the explore page is made up of things Instagram thinks you want based on what you’ve been secretly looking at. D: It’s not just like who you know you follow, (P: Yeah) but like what kind of people are they? D: Who are their friends’ friends? What do you press like on? What do you comment on and when you’re just scrolling, what are the kind of photos that you linger on? D: Instagram knows this, Facebook! They have (P: They know!) these artificial intelligences
(P: They’re in your brain!) D: They have files on you, they know you better than you want to admit you know you. P: So, I thought this would be a good way to get to know each other a bit more (*Dan cringes*) and have a little window into our souls. D: We can’t control what’s on this P: No D: So, this might end up exposing us some ways that we weren’t prepared for, okay. P: Let’s do it. (D: For God’s sake.) P: Whose phone should we start with? D: Yours, obviously. P: Mine? D: Yes, because then if it’s a terrible idea (P: You’re the guest!) I can go ‘haha that was funny, thanks for inviting me.’ (P: Guests first.) and then leave. P: I pull your chair out, tuck you in, and send you off on the adventure. D: And you wonder why I didn’t send you Christmas cards. P: [laughs] Alright, okay. We’ll do mine. I’m quite nervous to open Instagram. D: You should be. I don’t know if you’ve thought this through. P: I didn’t think this through! D: But here we are, millions of people are gonna judge you for what’s about to appear. P: Alright, here we go! [Children’s surprise sound] D: Aw, look it’s the photos. (P: Look at my collection!) The selfie that you took just before I annihilated you P: Just before the betrayal! That was not good… D: Insert video of betrayal. [VIDEO] D: You’re taking a selfie? [Slow motion snowball collision] D: Truly my finest moment… You got me back, though! P: I did get you back! D: I think if I was recording for another second that would have been full-on snowball impact. P: You didn’t see! Snowball in Dan’s eyes! D: Do it! P: Here we go! D: Boom. P: The first thing is Timothee Chalamet [laughter] P: (laughing) P: Of all the things! D: A big mood for 2018. P: It’s just who I want to be, it’s who I want to look at…
D: I immediately want to click on the butt. Ok D: It-it’s a woman P: Descending a baby into a pool. (D: And a baby! Woman drowning baby footage.) No! I was going to say- (D: Here we go, that’s what’s happening right-) P: I hope the baby swims! (D: Woman throwing baby off skyscraper footage?)
P: No (Is this testing if- *gasp*) She’s just taking it out for a swim! (D: Where is that!? Why is it tagged in New York?? That’s not in New York.) P: I think this is from (D: I want to go there.) This is from me looking at aesthetic mountains rather than people putting babies in water. D: That’s from you living vicariously through other people’s holiday photos. (P: Yeah)
D: I’m gonna snatch this off of you.
P: No! I don’t want you to have that power! D: Cause I feel like you wouldn’t click on something weird. Picked for you French bulldogs.) Yes! P: Not just bulldogs (D: Look at that lad, absolute unit.) their little butts, though. Why is it just zooming in on their butts though? (D: Okay, Phil, what kind of dog videos are you watching at 4am?) P: I don’t know! I think that was the one- Do you know? Where the-the-bit-the– P: -the child like pokes the dog’s butt? D: Okay and now dog anus is your recommended.
P: I hope it’s not dog anus. P: *excited noise*
D: Yes. D: More stylish than both of us, to be honest. (P: This is incredible). If we were holding that between us, That would go with us right now.
P: Now that is what the inside of my brain looks like. D: Okay, themonster_house, we’re coming for you, and we’re gonna steal your dog. I mean I could quite happily D: -just look at the French Bulldog category- oh my god they’re so small in a bath.
P: They’re so cute! D: Please- Let it out! It’s scratching, it wants to be free! D: Uhm, Phil? P: Yeah? D: Cannabis time lapse?… P: What!? I didn’t- I didn’t do a cannabis time lapse?!
D: I’m just sayin’, Instagram thinks you want a cannabis time lapse P: I don’t know where that came from!
D: Mm, and of course something slime-related. (P: Oh my gosh!) (D: There you go.) P: Seriously, you watch slime videos, and this is all that is in your recommended forever! It’s so satisfying, though. D: MMM- No, it’s really upsetting! It’s all messed up! *Is suddenly satisfied* Until that is perfectly mixed now. P: She’s gonna perfectly mix it, though.
D: Oh, she better, ’cause if this ends one second too early, I’m gonna jump- P: Mmm, yes D: -somewhere painful.
P: Mix it nice. Just the crunchiness- (D: I’m slime-shaming you right now.) Squishiness… D: *sings* Brrr-bah bo ba ba
P: *laughs* D: There’s a lot of Riverdale memes. (P: I know.)
D: Saucy- have we seen that episode?
P: I don’t think I’ve seen that one (D: Is that a spoiler?) (D: Ahhhhhh!) P: I looked at one Riverdale picture And now I just get Riverdale all over my feed. (D: Sure.) P: Just one – one picture – (D: You want to see all those hot tub scenes, Phil, don’t you? You want to save them to your camera roll for later in the day.) P: Maybe… (D: Pudding?) What are these?!
D: They’re – too much effort’s gone into-
P: Oh my god. I want to eat it right now. D: Are they tide pods? What is going on there? P: Cubed tide pods. (D: Okay.) P: Yes! (D: I don’t know what that is, but I want you to shove it up my ass.) Right now. (D: That’s you, Phil! Metaphorically!) P: That would be me with these blinds. Dan, help, I’m trapped again. (D: It’s actually happened. That’s not even a joke. More cake? You’re basically like cake, dogs, and like things that are weirdly sexual… That you’re ashamed to talk about. Speaking of weirdly sexual!) (What’s that? Oh God. Oh wow, okay!) P: These satisfy me so much! (D: Ooh) Just watch it though (D: I feel like…) It’s so satis- it’s //slightly// sexual P: But it’s mainly just like- (It’s //extremely// sexual.) Imagining that feeling (D: I’ve- (⊙_☉)) of pressing your fingers down- (D: …) P: Do you know what I mean?! Someone must know what I mean. (D: …) It looks so satisfying. (D: This is shaming you in a big way. I mean I really thought this would be a joke, Phil, but right now I wouldn’t feel very safe if I were you.) P: Look, Pokémon! P: That’s innocent! (D: If I scroll right it’ll be sexy Pokémon.) It will not be sexy Pokémon! Behind the scenes of Shape of Water. (D: Is that– is that because you like movies or it’s ‘cos you like looking at scaly butts, Phil?) P: I love the sexy fish. *we’re not shaming* (D: Because the way it’s been going so far I think we both know why they recommended it to you. I’m just sayin’. Is that Corgi butt on the face? Oh, oh my god.) P: Oh my god (D: Destroy it.) P: I want to eat it. (D: Microwave it, mother of God.) P: Microwave it? (That’s how I want to die. Being smothered to death by a Corgi in bed.) P: I think then, there we go then, that’s my ideal video. (D: So, you know like that video where it’s the car crash, then you close your eyes…) P: Yeah (to feel the release of death? I’d do that with this and be like, ‘the Corgi is mounting the face! Here he comes!’) P: Oh, yeah, yeah! (D: mmmm) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) P: Oh my god, I hate this video! Go away. (D: Freaks!) Stop it. (D: What if the wind blew?!) P: No! (D: I understand You need to feel alive, but this is just-) P: Stop! (It could go wrong in so many ways!) P: That is one of the things I hate. Watch people doing stupid things off buildings! (D: But, look, Phil she’s dangling, she’s dangling… What does that say about Phil metaphorically?) P: I hate it! (D: He’s scared to let go… of the roof of life.) P: Imagine me in that situation? I’m like, ‘Dan! Hold on to me…’ P: Then I’ll sneeze and fall to my death. (D: Uh, Phil, why is it showing you that?) It’s ‘cos I like Riverdale! D: (Oh, yeah, you like Riverdale.) P: It’s just showing me some. (D: Phil watches Riverdale for the plot.) P: I DO. (D: You know, the cinematography, the great lighting. Definitely, that’s why Instagram is showing Phil this.) P: We’ll, it’s gonna show me more now. (D: Oh god. What the hell is that?) P: It’s a bananapple. (D: Pinana.) P: Pinana! Pinana, what’s my name? *sings pinana to Rihanna’s “What’s My Name” song ft. Dan eye-roll* (D: Yes, everyone wanted the fricken 2011 Rihanna reference.) P: They do. I was disturbed for a second. (D: Disturbia! *Dan sings Rihanna’s Disturbia*) ( D: An alien on a telephone. Okay! Oh god! Not these things! Whoever runs this account and appreciates these things is seriously twisted.) P: I hate it and love it at the same time! (Why have you been watching this?! Is this what instagram thinks you wanna see? And then someone pleasuring themselves with- ) Oh my god! Stop stop, I don’t want to get flagged! That’s enough for me! (Phil the video might stay up, but we’ve all flagged you in our minds.) Look everybody is judging me. (There is no undoing this this was your-) We haven’t looked at your phone yet, Danny. (I have to go I just realized that-) No, No (I’ve got an appointment.) Why are you holding it? I think we mean okay here we go. (Fine, lets just get this over- ) *both mimic geese* All right, let’s do this. Are you gonna have Timothee Chalamet as your first choice that’s what I want to know. That is the top of your instagram! Like… (I’m into fitness.) Alright Scottish fitness. (What, why? Does it even like say why? It’s just like the number one thing that you are- ) That’s the first thing! I thought Timothee Chalamet was funny, but that takes the cake. (and then this, yes. Cosplaying as powerpuff girls.) So you’ve got shirtless Scottish guy and terrifying lobster woman? (Yes.) That is what’s inside Dan’s brain, everyone. (Phil is so exposed) I knew yours would be better! I’m so ready to see more. You have Chalamet as well! (Okay.) There we go! (I mean- I follow him.) (I think it’s all of our followers watch Riverdale.) I think that’s what it is. (Because when things like when stranger things happen all of my explore page was Stranger things memes.) That is your patronus. (Same.) When the fun goes wrong. (Yikees..) (Who needs ankles? Not her, am I right? I watch other people being hurt to make me feel better.) Sausage dogs! (I’d nibble on that sausage.) Don’t.. Don’t. Pick for you: pianist (I like watching piano videos in bed at 3:00 a.m. See that’s when you’re watching weird like 3d belly button character videos-) Hey! I’m sat watching people play on pianos.) We’re gonna find the dark underbelly of Dan. Piano Dil! Oh, pianodidi.. He looks a bit like Dil, though! (Yes. Someone made a role-playing account playing the piano as our Sim.) Picked for you: voguing! I just wish that was me. (Really? Phil, I think you would just break your neck, everyone would be like ah, okay. He’s not getting up. Picked for Dan: Divers! (I just like sports, okay?) You like the sport. (I follow Tom Daley that’s probably the only reason why.) Just for the backflips. (That was very nearly the worst belly flop in the entire world.) I was impressed! You could green-screen that floor into something else. (What, a giant penis? What are you trying to- Oh my god he nearly died.) You’ve got some slime as well, I’m not alone! (Why is? I don’t know, man. I think that’s just because I follow you I have never clicked on a slime video in my life.) Maybe that’s secretly me on your phone. (Get that shit out of here so I could see more anime and diving thank you.) Armie Hammer in bed? Wanna explain that one? (He’s popular celebrity, I’m sure everybody’s recommended that.) All right. Angry Shiba inus! Yes Specifically heckin concerned boys) So much concern! (That is recommended to me. A big fight. Indeed it’s me and you. Please. No take. I bite Very scared.) Men’s style! Is that where you get your style from? (I’m that guy totally.) That’s what you would wear! (That’s quite a strong look actually.) You should do one those videos that’s like I bought my things recommended to me on Instagram So you’d get that You’d get a suit You’d get a hat, and you’d get some swanky shoes from the Bronx (Yes, Phil, sounds like you could start one of these channels!) I should! Oh, it’s the wrong Jonas. I was expecting more of the other one. (Instagram you had one job. Also, still too soon.) Oh my god, what the hell is that?! (What the fuck are you showing me?) Do you see that? (What the? No??!) It’s a head! (Oh my god it’s his head! OOOOHH My god!) If anything is (OH my god, okay. I was like why is he bout to poo on the baby? How is this on Instagram?) If anything is gonna twinge the youtube algorithm It’s going to be that now isn’t it? (Youtube! I know that your clever robot is here to stop people from seeing illegal content! It was a head!) It was a head. (Oh, man. I’m gonna be having nightmares about that for weeks.) Uh, Dan? (What?) (Oh for fucks sake! Why is that!) Why do you think that is there? (I don’t know! Look! Every- what is) Were you doing research for your fursuit? (Look. They Recommend everything in the world.) Yeah. (It’s obviously them!) It’s you! (It’s them! They’re out there following it! and that’s why-) Keep telling yourself that (it wanted me to look at it.) So in conclusion Dan is into divers dogs and fursuits. (No! Piano and men’s style, Phil.) “Style” “Style” (Fur suits could be stylish.) Well. I feel weird I feel like we know too much about each other I feel like this was a mistake, but if you enjoyed it Give us a thumbs up! Go look at your own one before you judge us down in the comments, okay?) Let us know the weirdest thing you see And if you want to see more of us exposing each of the on stage you can come and see us at Interactive Introverts! (Did that come out wrong? I’m really not sure..) That came out wrong. !Are you saying if you felt this video entertaining imagine this but on a bigger scale!) Yes! (With even more intense things provoking us..) That’s what I meant! (Wow!) We’re going all over the place, but we just had dates in St. Augustine and (Philadelphia) Philadelphia. (So go check out DANANDPHILTOUR.COM come see us) Yeah! Look at this American map (in real life before we die.) Look at all these places in America! (So many places! So little time!) So much time with me on a bus! What’s worse the video or the- what I’ve committed to this year?) So you can subscribe to my channel by clicking subscribe Dan’s channel is down there as well. Also, my last video didn’t go out to subscription boxes, so give it a watch if you like (YouTube broke.) (BOOP What video?) Phil has a video? It was funny (That was creative.) I hope you’re having a good day and I will see you (have a nice day) next time! (I will go throw my phone in a lake) BYE!