Oh hello, I’m Kristen Schaal,
voice of Mabel Pines in the show Gravity Falls and also America’s sweetheart to a small few. [giggles] Woah! [laughs] Oh, what’s this? Oh, it’s Gravity Falls Journal 3. Oooh! Now I know you’ve heard of book jackets. [sigh] But have you ever heard of book sweaters? [zing] Elegant! Sassy! She’s a good girl,
but she’s got a secret. Oooooo! I call this one The Kristen. [horror sounds] It’s like looking into a sweater mirror. You always look good in a sweater mirror. So, how much would you pay for this? A billion dollars? Well you’re in luck
because it’s only one million dollars. Kristen! What are you doing with my journal? Charming America. Call now! No!!
Don’t call now. Don’t call now. Hi, I’m Dipper. I mean, I’m Jason Ritter. Dipper’s just a character. He’s just a character. [howling horror sound] Anyway! No one wants a sweater for their journal. This is a serious book, filled with dark secrets
that should never fall into the wrong hands. Which is why I’ve invented…JOURNALERT. [bang] Made from bullet proof steel, this impenetrable book safe,
will guard your precious journal from dark forces, as well as shield it from radiation
in the event of a nuclear blast. [siren] How many years of nuclear fall out
do you think this safe can withstand? 100 years? 200 years? What if I told you that this could
protect your secrets for 1,000 years. [clap] You’d be dead by then,
so it doesn’t matter. Anyway, Gravity Falls is just a show. Ooooo, no it isn’t. Gravity Falls is real
and it will never die. Okay, so what I’m selling you is
book sweaters. Get ’em now. Kristen, what kind of creep
is ever going to buy one of those? I’ll take ten. [fumbling] Uh, the world is filled with creeps;
that’s what I’m banking on. It’s true. It’s really true. So call now. Call now. -Now it’s your turn to be supportive.
-Will it even fit in there? Well yeah, it’ll–
I made it too small. Oh my God, how did I let this happen? I measured it a hundred times. I literally measured it 100 times. How could you measure it that many times
and know that it doesn’t fit? I…Well maybe you could just chain it up. Call now! No, no, no don’t,
don’t call now! Don’t–
I already forgot all my stuff. [laughs] Sorry! And also America’s sweetheart
to a small few. [giggles] [screams] [laughs] Got it!