[Into Music] What is up everybody? So as a lot of you
know this month is Pride Month. And it’s a very important time for me. For me it’s a wonderful opportunity to educate myself and pay tribute to those who came before us, fighting for equality, and against oppression and to be made aware
of the struggles that still exist today. It’s also, I think, a great opportunity to
do what the name implies: have pride in ourselves and in who we are. In order to do that I think many of us have to go through very personal struggles with our own identity. Many of you might be going through that right now. Many of my friends and I have gone through or are still going through those very personal struggles so for this video I wanted to do something a little special but in order to do it I needed a little help from some very awesome friends of mine. To: Look at this perfect shirt for this video. S: Hi my name is Skylar and I use she/her pronouns. Ta: Hi I’m Talyn. I use they/them pronouns. To: Look at that make-up! Jay: So I’m Jay, also known as Jo. I go by he/him, she/her, gender specific pronouns. To: You’re tall! I remember this from last time
R: Yeah, don’t remind me.
T: Okay [giggles] R: Hi, I’m Rose. She/her [Scream] Whoo! A: Hi I’m Alex! I use him [laughs] J: I’m Joan and I use they/them pronouns.
[laughter in the background] To: And I am Thomas! He/him pronouns. They are ridiculous. [laughs] Earlier on Twitter I asked you all to submit any questions you may have had in regards to our personal experiences with our identities. We don’t represent
everybody on the spectrum. I don’t think I would have a couch big enough for that [laughs] and we can only speak about our personal experiences. We don’t know everything. But hopefully something one of us says may offer some help to you if you’re looking for it The most important thing I try to do on this channel is make you feel welcome and not alone. So, hopefully, by getting to know a little bit more about us you’ll feel more comfortable with being you. Let’s get it going. [laughs] Jay: This is super fun; it looks really family like. Hey! To: It does! The Gay-dy bunch!
Jay: The Gay-dy – I’m down. J: @Thomas Sanders are you gay and why? Ta: Why are you gay Thomas?
To: Born that way! J: When did you realize your sexuality? R: I didn’t really have a identity phase. Definitely went through a a long time of, just repression and figuring things out. For years I mean To: Same.
R: That, yeah, that may be the cases;
there’s not a moment. To: I was very much like you. I was, like I never fluctuated and it was always like this constant thing that I was just trying to repress
R: Right. S: Tenth grade, and I had like a diary about this girl that I was, like, “in love with” at the
time and I like wrote every single day about the conversations who would have. She’s still really pretty
To: That’s adorable! A: For me like the age of four, I knew I liked both guys and girls. Jay: That’s so crazy because I feel like I’m 26 and I still don’t know, sexually, where I stand. I just say fluid because I honestly just don’t know. To: Yeah.
Jay: I’m still figuring it out I can like it today and then tomorrow I’m like eh. S: I feel like that’s one of the biggest issues with like a lot of people is that they think that they have to know.
To: Right. S: And so it placed a lot of pressure on them, thinking that they have to label themselves something and you don’t. J: That was actually a big problem with me, because it took me like years to actually definitively figure out where I stood, sexually. I jumped around a little bit with identity.
[agreement] Ta: It was like, middle school: bi. Wait, maybe not. J: The problem with that I was like every time I felt like “oh maybe this identity is more applicable.” It felt worse because I was like people are gonna think I’m just making all this up. [agreement] Ta: But it’s like, you’re growing as a person like you’re making up you’re growing as a human being.
To: Right, you’re going to discover new things. Ta: If someone has a problem with that they need to focus on their own life. J: because I’ve, like, gone through such a journey was figuring out my sexuality that’s why queer is so comfy for me yeah because it it’s just like not straight! Labels are good if they help you and if you don’t want them great. [agreement] R: I exist actively today without a defined sexuality, so, it works. To: What’s the best way to correct yourself if you use the wrong pronoun for someone? Jay: I think we all understand this is for some people. You know, you’re so used to calling someone a specific things, your trying- your falling out of habit to adjust yourself, so, we’re not going to like “Argh!” like no, like nobody’s like freaking out about it just- Ta: Don’t make a big deal out of it. Don’t be like: “Oh my God! Oh my God! blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,” Just say “Oh sorry”, insert proper pronouns, continue the sentence.
J: Fix it and carry on. Ta: And don’t call attention to it. Ta: ‘Cause then you’re making the whole
conversation about that. To: What was it like when you first came out- gender and/or sexuality? For me, my coming-out was less than ideal. We were getting ready to see a movie with my parents and I had brought my boyfriend- them not knowing it was my boyfriend- over for Easter the week before you know just for them to say “Hi” and I was basically- we were getting ready to go to the movies and I was like: “oh by the way” [laughs] “By the way I brought him over that last weekend so you could meet him, because he’s my boyfriend.” “Let’s go to the movies now!” [laughter] My parents were just like “What?” like it was just a reeling thing!
S: Are you still going to pay for a ticket [laughter] To: Needless to say, we didn’t go to the movies.
[laughter] To: I should have put more thought into taking it more seriously. You know, for me I was like: “You know what?” “He’s my boyfriend. I’m not ashamed of it. Neither should you and nobody’s feelings matter but my own and I’m going to be
strong about it” but, My parents didn’t deserve that. They cared about me and they had a certain vision for who I would be and it was going to take a bit for them to rearrange their thought processes after, you know, so many years. So, if I could do it over, I totally would. J: I just gradually built up the courage until like in tenth grade I, uh, when I finally built up the courage I did it in a big way. I was like going around the cafeteria shouting ‘Cause at the time
[laughter] Jay: Why does that seem like such a Joan thing?
Thomas: That is such a Joan thing! Jay: Such a Joan thing to do! I was just going around to people I knew like “I’m bisexual!” [laughter]
Jay: Yes! To: Was that like, you trying to, like, take the power away from them and just been like: “Look! this is- Ta: Well, you’re just extra. [laughter] J: It was almost, like, I was just trying to, like, overpower any opposition I might get.
To: Yeah. J: The gender thing is kind of funny because the very first time that came up for me was an anime. I was watching Ouran High School Host Club. At the end of episode one when Haruhi was-
[laughter] revealed to the AFAB, I like to turn towards the person next to me and I was like: “Oh, so what? Are they a boy or a girl?” and they’re like: “Oh like they’re fine with either, they- like, they’re kind of fluid.” and then they went to the bathroom, when they came back I was like: “That’s like me!” [laughter]
To: Oooh! Ta: I don’t identify as, like, fully asexual like at this point in my life. But like I remember there was a- on the local news they were like “Should we have condoms in schools?” and my mom was like “Oh you should go get some.” I was like “Oh I don’t need them.” and she
was like “Why?” and I was like “Oh I’m ace.” and my mom was like- she laughed at me
and I’m like wh-ah? It was more of like an annoyed thing. It was like “Shut up. Like, stop talking to me about condoms.” And like, that’s why I came out. Jay: What inspired you/gave you the courage to come out? Ultimate Story Time Musical was a come-out for me every single performance. To: Seriously?
Jay: Yes. Mr. Contemptible is a male character who was played by a non-binary that is I. I was in the most darkest phase coming into that because I was struggling so hard with myself. Not even just letting other people accept me, just accepting myself. I was uncomfortable but I was- I also want it to be free. And I couldn’t be free because I was like “the judgment!” You know? I didn’t want- I didn’t want all of that. There was nobody like me. I didn’t feel like anybody around me I felt I was the only one like me there. And so when I came and did Mr. Contemptible and you see all these people, these kids of all types of identities absolutely love you just for-
like when you would say “guys, gals” And I would say “non-binary pals”. That was a come-out every time I said that. And there was no negativity. It was like “Oh my gosh! There’s somebody for us!” And I’m like: Wait? You too? Hey family!” There are people out here who are looking up to me- the one who is in the dark place- as the light. You know what I mean?
Jay: As like their- they’re like “Wow! I can come out and I can be who I am because of you.” and I’m like “No, I can come out because of you!” You don’t even know that! You know what I mean? So like yeah I’m dead, I can’t do this. But yeah, Ultimate Storytime. To: I had no id- goodness gracious! [laughter] That’s amazing. J: Something that’s interesting about what you said about coming out every time is what I found in my experience is that you don’t come out once.
[agreement] I didn’t just come out once you have to come out every time you meet someone new. To: So much so that I’ve made it like a running joke. I’ll post something about liking guys and every single time it’s always gonna be “is this your coming-out post?” Every time. And I’m like “I guess, I guess if you didn’t know before there it is now.” and if you didn’t know now, here’s my
coming-out post [laughter] Was it easier coming out to your family or to your friends? I gotta say specific friends like y’all [agreement] A: For me, I actually just came out to everyone. Not-not my parents but I came out to everyone other than my parents originally I came out to my friends and not even just my friends, I kind of just, in a way, shouted it out? To: literally
A: “Hey everybody I’m here. I am bi.” To: How hard was it for anyone with different pronouns to start. I’m finding it hard to use or hear he/him pronouns for myself. J: One of the most uncomfortable
periods is when you’re not totally adjusted to the new pronouns but you’re no longer comfortable with your old pronoun. Ta: Yeah, it’s the weirdest middle area.
J: That’s the weirdest point in because you’re like, The new pronouns are still kind of weird but like if someone starts using your old pronouns like they’re like “he” then you’re like “not that either!” That’s an uncomfortable- To: That makes sense. Ro: When I first was transitioning and I was first changing pronouns I didn’t have a whole lot of people I was close to that were familiar with the LGBT community. So it was kind of hard because, in a way, a lot of it felt like it existed in my head and just in my head and I was having trouble putting it in the real world but I have one friend. And we’re super, super close and they were on it. They stuck with it. They were super comfortable about it and that a- that helped me a lot in a way because it allowed me to see “oh this- you know, this can be a reality.” You know it’s kind of the formula thing for me I was like am I- am I really going to do this? and I was just, you know, thinking of it I was kind of tentatively stepping out with it and my best friend took it and ran with it and I was like: “Wow this is- you know, this could happen.”
To: Thank the world for supportive friends. To: Who are some LGBTQ+ people you looked up to as a kid and why? S: My mom. She’s bisexual so I was like ‘huh’
To: Oh, that’s cool. J: I think the biggest ones when I was
younger were probably like Ellen like I loved Ellen.
[agreement] Jay: Well I just personally wish there was like a lot more education back then to even know there was people to look up to- to be okay R: I don’t think I could even name a gay person
Jay: Same. R: Until maybe like high school I think that’s where a lot of like the whole repression stuff came from, just not knowing J: Like that’s why like Ellen stood out so much because like Ellen came out in a time when it could like ruin someone’s career. To: She was like, one of the first people that exposed me to the word. To: How did how you felt after you came out compare to how you felt before you came out? S: Just a relief.
Jay: Yeah. R: I mean, for me, coming out really was kind of a messy, not-fun process and I’ll be honest, after coming out, I’m still working through a lot of things but I think someone asked on there, you
know, what did it feel to figure out yourself? And I can say that figuring out myself is probably the single most positive thing that has happened in my life ever. Because I went from someone who was fundamentally just- I didn’t know what I wanted to do with life and I, quite frankly, there was nothing in it for me I felt. And you know now I’m in a place where I can love people freely, I can be a a mother, I can be all these things that and that’s- that’s- that’s- human liberation. That’s, honestly, to me isn’t even connected particularly to a trans identity, it’s just liberation in general. I think that has transformed my life into something that I had into something that was worth living.
To: That’s awesome! J: I came out- I can actually really identify with that. I think figuring myself out meant way more to me than coming out everyday. A: I came out as gay in middle school. I liked guys. But I still kept questioning my brain
because I also liked girls. I really did. It wasn’t so like eighth grade where I’m like oh this is what I am! That makes much more sense! To: being comfortable with yourself, I mean, like that same thing you and I went through a lot of repression and when you finally are like “Oh”. It’s okay to be who you are you can’t you don’t have to like hate yourself for how you feel about somebody. That was a huge relief. [laughter] To: Is it okay to be completely out on the internet but only a little bit in real life? Ta: That’s us.
J: Yeah. S: A lot of people don’t have family members on social media like Facebook or tumblr. So you can go on there and you can just be yourself and it makes you a lot more comfortable. R: Of course it’s all right. But, you know, You do want to be careful, because if you want to stay not out in real life, just be careful where you put stuff. Ta: If you are going to be in danger, by someone accidentally stumbling upon something on the Internet. I know it’s tough to keep it in but keep it until you’re safe. J: Confide it in like friends you can trust [agreement]
To: That’s really important. [agreement] J: Tell people that like- J: Yeah just make sure you’re safe about whatever you doing. To: For me it’s almost like complete- It was the opposite for me because of my position like on the Internet. ‘Cause like I was
out way before Vine even was a thing. For me it was like all about presenting myself as a character in like almost everything I did. There wasn’t a lot of times for me to talk about myself and who I was and it just didn’t seem relevant to the comedy. So a lot of times I just wanted to switch roles and stuff. So, my sexuality was constantly being discussed because I didn’t think that it really mattered for me to be able to put it out there and obviously that led to people being confused as to my sexuality I made a vine about being bisexual. I made vines about being gay and when people kind of message me about my sexuality I’m like “Yeah I’m gay.” You know it might have been my part to come out a little bit more clearer to people about my sexuality. You know, just so that they- it wasn’t misconstrued. Lately I’ve been- it’s been great because I’ve been able to talk about it more freely and be able to talk about it with you guys and you know just be more open and honest about myself now because YouTube’s allowing myself to talk more from a personal perspective and step out of the character all the time. So, this has been nice though, to be able to like talk about it [giggles] R: Thank you for being on the Internet; very positive
Jay: Using your platform how you do. Jay: There are those negative voices. We don’t even need to speak or comment. They will check ’em. Jay: They have the facts. [overlapping Thomas] It’s like-It’s like *smooch*
To: That’s you guys! To: And it’s not from a harsh or attacking way, So many of you just go out and like “Hey. This is not what this is about, this community. We don’t bring that here and here’s the facts if you don’t like it you can go somewhere else. And that’s amazing! Like that’s all you guys! and it’s not even just like they’re defending, it’s that they support each other so well, like, when people are going through stuff they’re always like “How can I help?” They post art they’re always like “You did such a good job! This is amazing!” You know, it’s great. S: This question says: I really wanted to know if you have any advice for young closeted lesbians with extremely homophobic parents. A lot people have a relationship with it, like for me for instance, I have a really close relationship with my mother. And even though I know that she was a part of the LGBT community I was still scared to come out to her because of her thoughts on me. You know, she’d probably wanted me to have kids and settle down and stuff like that. But in the unfortunate situation that this person was in and a lot of people were in is you come out to someone that you think that you’re really close to and that you love and care about and it backfires really hard and so you feel really betrayed and you feel lost and lonely. They still love you, you know. They’re
your parents. You help them figure it out as you’re figuring it out yourself. So you both are in a big learning process. To: It just takes time. It’s gonna take time.
S: Yeah, nothing’s going to happen like [snaps] right then. To: To- to gain an understanding it could take weeks, it could take months. J: Especially for like young bisexual people and stuff it’s like a lot of their friends or their parents or whoever will just think they’re like confused. Something that I’ve found in my experience is that like the longer like your stick with something eventually people will realize that it’s not a phase or you’re not confused like the longer you like “no, like I mean it” like eventually they’ll be like oh I guess they weren’t mine or confused I guess. To: You know yourself the best. No one’s going to know you better than you. S: No one can tell you who you are.
To: Yeah. And it’s just something that no matter what any outside opinion is you’ve got to not let it affect how you know yourself.
A: That was beautiful [laughter] I’m still- I mean I’m still discovering. This is new this is a new attraction for me. Jay: I think we always will too. You always be finding out new things about yourself in that area.
To: it is great though it is a cool adventure! To: Thank you guys so much! That was fun! That was a good talk To: I learned so much. We got emotional.
Jay: Stop! [laughter] Jay: We should have known to have a box of kleenex. [laughter] To: I cannot tell you how thankful I am to have been able to have that talk. To: Way more emotional than I thought we we’re gonna get. [laughs] And way more eye-opening, I think, for even us there in the room. I love my friends so much and I am so proud of them and proud of who they are. I hope anything they or I might have said was helpful or comforting in some way to those of you trying to figure yourself out. It’s a process that should
never end. It took me a while to get there. But I am now so thankful and proud of who I am and you all deserve to feel that same sense of pride. Just know that even if you’re not there yet I am proud of you. You are all such wonderful, amazing, supportive people, not just to me, but to each other and you all should see that amazingness in yourselves. I am so proud of you. I’m going to get choked up, darn it! Buck up for the end-card, dag-nabbit! [giggles] Hope you enjoyed the video! click over here for more silly shenanigans with me and my friends! This is a lovely little subscribe button that you can click on if you’re interested. And you click over here if you’re interested in becoming a featured fander That’s it! And until next time, take it easy and I love you guys, gals and non-binary pals. Oh, look at that, that’s great. Skylar?
S: Hey! T: There you go. Ready?
Jay: Yeah! All: Peace out! To: Nice! Don’t fall! [laughter]