HOW TO STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU

HOW TO STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU


– Something has occurred to me. Those are always scary moments. (“Shy” by Sum Wave) (upbeat electronic pop music) ♪ Hey baby I don’t wanna ♪ ♪ Stay in this club no longer ♪ ♪ We can move on to my place ♪ – What’s up, socials,
welcome back to AmyTV, your place to discover
the life that you want the way that you make it. (snap fingers) Yes. I’ve had an epiphany. – I’ve just had an apostrophe. – I think you mean an epiphany. – I don’t know what I was doing. I think I was driving, which
doesn’t happen very often, but when I do drive, I’m doing
something extremely important like shopping or getting a spray tan. And I was just thinking
about this struggle of people who don’t do something, or decide not to take action on something, because they’re worried about
what people think about them. So naturally, you’ve seen
the title of the video. I wanna start by saying, I don’t think anyone’s got
this fully figured out. I don’t have this fully figured out in every area of my life. But I did have something occur to me in the way of thinking too much about what other people think about you and what it does to you. So today I wanna talk about this. I wanna talk about how to stop caring what other people think about you, and you might be really surprised to hear how I present that you do this. Before we dig in, make sure you’ve clicked
the subscribe button, because if you like what you see or hear around here right now, it’s pretty much like this all the time and it can be expected. And if you’d like more of it, clicking subscribe will let YouTube know of our deep bond and love for each other. Okay, so like I said, I
was driving in the car, and I was thinking about the
fact that I hear this so much. I don’t know what people
are gonna think about me if let’s say I decide
to vlog, or quit my job, or do something a little
bit out of the ordinary. And it got me to thinking,
how did I get to the point where I stopped caring
what other people think, so that I could go after the life I want, do the things that actually spoke to me that I became passionate about, but wouldn’t have if I
didn’t actually do them? I had to overcome at some point avoiding what other people
thought about me in my own head, so that I could proceed
to do those things. When I started thinking
really hard about it, I was like, wait a minute. I cared a lot about what
other people thought about me. I cared a lot. If you go back to sort of your young years when you are so impressionable, and it doesn’t mean you’re not
impressionable as an adult, but you’re impressionable in a different way when you’re younger. So it was middle school
when I started realizing that maybe the playing
ground was not so level. And I was like, oh, hm, there’s a popular crowd or something. Not real sure what this is. And then you have it fully
figured other in high school, and it’s like you’re constantly thinking, where are you on the grand
scale of all these things? And you’re always trying to survive that. And nobody treats you
like you’re important. God bless the teachers and everything. They’re awesome and everything. They do their job. But you never really feel that important across the board in high
school specifically. Your friends don’t even
treat you that great. Or at least, they didn’t
treat me that great. Because they’re too worried
about surviving, also. So this whole time, you’re just trying to figure out what does everybody think of me, because there’s really
nothing else to think about. You could be thinking about school, but who has time for that? You’re so consumed with
what other people’s minds have inside of them, and
their opinion of you, and whether or not they approve
of the shirt you’re wearing, or your after-school activities, or what you do on the weekend. And I was always trying to figure out how do I finagle permission
from my family to go and do things that are
supposedly the cool thing to do? And it was all because of
what other people thought. So because I’m thinking too much about what people think about me, then I’m also thinking, okay, well how do I finagle
this and have a conversation? I think the signs of it, I was trying to figure out so much, I kinda got fed up with thinking, what are they thinking about me? I just got to the point where I was like, what are these people thinking at all? And I just wanted to know that, which is where I think my need for understanding what
somebody else is thinking and feeling on a basic level, that psychology became
very interesting to me, which is why I think I do
what I do in my career today. But my point is that I
really wanted to kind of show people that I was worth
having a conversation with. I wanted to show people that I was worthy. And I think you go through
a lot of periods of time where you’re trying to
figure out how to prove that, and now you’re old enough to know you don’t have to prove it. It’s totally not something you
need to spend your time on. But because I was so hell-bent on getting people’s attention, and making them see that if they actually gave someone the time of day, and weren’t so consumed in
themselves and their own agenda, that they might actually
have a good relationship or meet somebody new. And I had to care a lot about
what people thought about me in order to get to this point where I’ve spent now so much time just doing work that I love, but also kind of loving
how great it feels, because I don’t think people
would’ve expected this from me. I think people would’ve thought I was gonna be the quiet girl forever, and it feels kinda good to be like, yeah, I do all this stuff. You just spend so much time
trying to figure out how you can show them up for all the
crap you went through, that you end up having
to completely disregard what they think about you
in order to achieve that. So long story short,
how do you stop caring what other people think about you? You use all the energy that is happening of you thinking about what
other people think about you, and exert it into taking
action on something that you would be really,
really proud to tell them. And then suddenly when
you get to that moment, and you’re so busy doing the things that you have designed within
the life that you want, you suddenly have very little time to care what other people think about you. First, I wanna say I do
care what certain people on this planet think about me. My husband being one of them. His family, my family. The very important people. There might be a dog named Lucy, I care a little bit what
she thinks about me, but she’s been pretty
cool for most of her life. It’s not about worrying what
everyone thinks about you, it’s about spending too
much time thinking about what the people who don’t actually apply to that much of your life and the quality of that
life think about you. When you consume yourself with thinking about the wrong people and
what they think about you, that’s when it’s unhealthy, when you don’t eventually
find a way to channel it. And now, I definitely don’t care. (laughs) I don’t have time to care. I barely have time to check email. When I realized that if
I was gonna tell someone that it is possible for them to not care what other people think of them, you have to first realize
that you do have to care. In order to stop caring,
you have to care first, and you have to continue
to care on some level. The amount of care you put into it that felt like it’s not right, that made you feel really awful, the fact that you’ve recognized
that is such a big step, and now all you have to do
is channel it into something. And that’s all I did to stop caring what other people thought about me is just do things that I thought I would be really proud
of myself if I did them. And if I was so proud of
myself that I did them, I wouldn’t care what other people think, because I’d just be so darn happy in my own little land over
here that all would be well. And I think that’s pretty
much what’s happened. It’s kinda wild, actually. So when I realized it
was like in order to stop caring what other people think about you, you have to care what other
people think about you, I just knew you were gonna
be real mad at me for that, but I had to tell you. Because actually, I think
it’s kind of a relief. It’s okay to be human. It’s okay to have these feelings. It’s okay to have this
conversation with yourself about oh, I wonder what
they think about that. I wonder what they would think about that. I wonder what that person down the street would think if I started
vlogging in public right now. When you start grappling with
those thoughts and feelings, and then you realize, wow,
the outcome would be so dope that even if they thought I
was crazy, I’d be so happy. That’s a cool moment, and I feel like I want
you to get to that moment. Again, I don’t think I
have this all figured out, but I do think that that’s
a conversation worth having. Maybe there is something
that you care about. Maybe there is someone
that you care about. Maybe you feel like you
don’t have a good excuse to not care what they think, but they might be holding you back. Know that you have to care first in order for you to get
past this, and that’s okay. But if you don’t get past it, it’s on you. Your life is completely up to you. It’s not theirs. They can judge you all
day long, all night long, and they are determining
their life by doing that. So what are you gonna do
with that information? What are you gonna do with that? What are you gonna do about it? Here’s your question of the day. Have you ever, there’s two parts of this,
let me say it this way. There are two parts to this question. Have you ever not done something because you were worried what
someone would think about you? And if so, when you
think about that person, does that person matter in your
day-to-day quality of life? So the answer to that question of the day in the comments below should
be yes and yes, or yes and no, ’cause it’s never gonna be no. You know for a fact that
everyone watching this has had one person hold them back from doing something they
wished that they would’ve done because they were worried
somebody was gonna judge them. But you know, (chuckles) I’m gonna laugh a little if anybody starts the first part of this question with a no. I want you to think about the fact that you didn’t do that thing. And even though I don’t like regret, I think it’s a stupid thing. I don’t think we should
sit and regret that long, because there’s always
something we can do about it. If you regret it a little bit, I would like to think that that makes you choose differently next time. That’s pretty much it. Thank you so much for the
love on my last video. I kind of had a moment. (laughs) I appreciate that support very much. And if you’re new, thank
you so much for subscribing. I really appreciate your attention, and that you would wanna have
this conversation with me, so welcome to our little community. These are the socials. That’s all for today, socials. Thank you so much for tuning in. I appreciate it as always. Make sure you subscribe for good vibes. And remember to continue to go
after the life that you want. Cheers. Lucy, can you not itch yourself
at this moment in time? That would be lovely. You’re seriously doing this right now. Just ’cause I start talking, it doesn’t mean I’m talking to you. Where are you going? This video is seven minutes
long, and I have said nothing. (scoffs) This is ridiculous. I don’t even remember what I was saying.

100 thoughts on “HOW TO STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU

  1. What a terrific video, luved it! Always be true to yourself and know that no matter what you do, someone out there will hate ya for it. BIG HUGS! Sharon

  2. Thanks for this video, Amy! You've just opened a new perspective to me with your questions. If the person doesn't affect my day to day life, why should I care what they think? So logical and yet amazing how I didn't see it before.

  3. In one of your videos. I like the fact that you mentioned you wear long dresses and don t show cleavage. Kudos, for being modest. Your classy style is on point in the buisness world. Maria

  4. Holy moly. I've been binge watching your videos for a week or two, but this one really spoke to me. I admire you so much and I didn't realize how alike we are in this way.

    "I was going to be the quiet girl forever"…I was so that but I was lucky enough to have a next door neighbor (who was also a popular teacher at my school) that saw something more in me and made me feel like maybe I wasn't going to stay the way I was forever.

    In response to your questions, I actually had a modestly popular YouTube channel where I took basic songs (assignments for my band classes – I'm a band teacher) and played them on each instrument showing fingerings and what the songs should sound like.

    I ended up deleting all of the videos because at the time I couldn't navigate YouTube well enough to disable comments. People (not my students) were SO mean about all kinds of stuff – My playing (which I always explained if it wasn't my main instrument), and for some reason my teeth.

    People have never met an adult in their life with imperfect teeth? How is that my fault?

    I started having panic attacks every time I saw an email from YouTube, so I just shut it down. I've decided to try again, but on my own musical terms. So thank you. (I know this video is old and this comment is long – but THANK YOU!)

  5. This. This is beautiful!🙏

    I am pretty sure I had the same or similar realization maybe a couple of years ago, but particularly within this last year, except at first it was on a subconscious level and I wasn't able to define it in words or formulated thought. I was just in the "to do" aspect of it. You've definitely helped to articulate this well for me.

  6. Yes. And no. I was in Middle School and I stopped myself from dating a Guy i liked (and Who liked me apparently) just because my girl group were judging. Stupid.

  7. Thank you for this video. I definitely needed this video. So happy I found your channel. Looking forward to more!

  8. Yes I stopped doing something because of someone. No they are no longer in my life and I have so many regrets, Age fixes so many things now I do anything my new husband usually does them with me.

  9. I applied to my current job knowing from day 1 my supervisor wanted someone else in that position. My supervisor has shown zero interest in my successs. Should i leave? Or should i not care?

  10. I have tried to explain this to a ton of people, like literally, LITERALLY, and no one understands you should care in order not to care, but still care what people think of you… in a careless way. I really can’t explain how happy I am now that I know someone else understands this concept. It’s great I found this channel! You’re insane. I like you very much.

  11. this was really true topic to talk about!! so many people that I can think of that I got under influence of what they've thought of me/ my action. Even though they might not be total strangers, but when I wasn't happy with the outcome of the decision made under their influence, they were not even there for small support and I was under full blame – Plus great questions to remind ourselves our true values.

  12. This is incredible; I never thought that someone would be able to put this feeling into words and do it so well. Thank you, Amy.

  13. Just found your channel today. I have been binge watching and loving every vid. I've convinced myself that every single vid is absolutely vital to my very existence as an excuse for how many vids I have now watched and taken notes on. Thank you for such great content.

  14. There are certain people that you'll notice who sort of nit pick at you. Nobody else does it, just those few, right? Dig a little deeper and you'll notice that they want to bring you down a little. Its those people that, while I have the support of many family and friends, its those nit-pickers that I'll smile at genuinely because they're giving me confidence because I know that I'm being picked on for something that they wish they had. Do I care what they think of me? Yes. If they're not picking, then I'm probably not being very productive. Not that I always use them as a gauge. The thing is to be happy and take chances. Not the types of chances that would put yourself or anyone in danger … I mean, getting out of your comfort zone. Posting videos had me worried a lot in the past but now its like, I can't control what people think of me. My purpose is to get my creative side out and hope that it moves someone. I was at the Social Media Examiner event in San Diego and there is no room to be shy (besides, everyone there was super friendly) otherwise you won't connect. The majority of people are nice. Like Amy's video suggests, people are often too busy thinking about themselves. More so because they have their own goals and interests. Even so, there's always that little window of time to connect with others. Sure, I can be more productive right now but I just wanted to step back and see what other Tubers are up to – just for a different perspective. In closing, I'd just say that we've all accomplished things that we're proud of that nobody can take away from us because those things are already done. Through it all, we cared what others thought which may have been part of the reason of those little successes. In the end, it was we who got ourselves to those goals. Cheers! :o)

  15. I have realised that I was actually kind of stuck in other people's head. I have stopped looking at situations from my own perspective and was constantly imagining what was going on in their head. It made me anxious. However I have the right to look with my own eyes.

  16. Oh yeah! The moment I shifted my focus and energy…. My world changed forevah! Thank you Jesus! Thanks Amy. 💖

  17. @AmyLandino This brings up some good points. I love to take photos and videos and I ALWAYS feel awkward doing it and of doing it of myself in front of others! Like vlogging in public, which has made my brand a bit less about revealing myself and people may feel less connected to it because they don't know about me or my life etc. Which is okay in itself, not everyone has to share EVERY detail of their life which has become a bit of a bad thing in our age of iPhones and instagram/youtube, but I enjoy working with a camera and I don't do what I want because I feel socially awkward and worry about what people are thinking of me, and that I might be categorised as less intelligent because I might considered a blogger or a vlogger… or self absorbed because I'm in the shot. Its horrible!

  18. Yes and I don’t know how to answer the second part because it is my mom. I’ve always worried about her wrath. So I have many times put away what I know will make me happy to please her as to how she thinks I should be. I guess now that I have wrote that, the second answer is no. Just also wanted to add that I’m in my 30s!

  19. You have a great personality! I am loving your videos and your content. I'm only 16 and I think you're an awesome role model. Keep it up! Much love from the Philippines.

  20. Thankyou for this! Starting around grade 5 I realised I care about what my peers thought about me and what I did. I won't name names but there were a few people that don't have and didn't have a part of my life that was quality. I cared so much about what my peers thought towards me that it turned into severe social anxiety. Many years past highschool now and those scars are still there and they are never going away. However, Im working on now changing my thought patterns towards myself and really working on me. It is taking a while to change those patterns since I lived with those patterns for 7+ years. Thanks Amy!

  21. Lol i think ive ben through this? A few months ago i dyed my dark brown hair neon orange and I got terrible comments from friends and teachers and even family. At first I was angry and sad and then I realized that they can talk all they want but it's my hair and I'm the one responsible for it and taking care of it. I dyed it a darker orange, red, it washed out to be peach, now it's purple and I freaking love my hair. I still get comments and people giving unsolicited advice, but I couldn't care less. So you're absolutely right, to dial it back, we need to turn it up.

  22. I just discovered your channel, I like it. 🙂 Thank you from Japan.🇯🇵

  23. Good, but half of video is kind of filling talk.
    I agree with you. Realizing that you care about how people thinking about you is the first step to stop caring.

  24. Ugh yes!! Since hs and even now a senior in college I know I always care wayyy too much what people think (I dont have enough friends/this outfit is weird/I cant run a blog bc its weird/what I just posted wasnt even funny/you stink at marketing) and as an introvert I sit and overanalyze every little thing to the point that its just too draining!! But, slowly, im starting to do things Little by Little that I've always wanted to do like, start an instagram for an upcoming blog and talking about sustainability and trying to live more zerowaste/sustainablly and eat more local/organic

  25. Never thought about it this way but I just got to a point where I really didn't care what other people thought of me. I found that striving so hard to be what others thought I should be, or do what others thought I should do made me unhappy because it was never what I wanted to do or be, so I stopped, and started living my life for me.

    To answer the question: Yes and yes….but eventually, I did it anyway lol.

  26. Not caring about what others think…actually liberating ourselves… it frees us to be who we want to be..not just to make others happy…..love from india amy…😍❤❣💞

  27. I had problems in school with teasing to the point that I didn't have any real friends. I have problems making friends now. Sometimes I don't care about what other people think at all.
    Kathy B.

  28. That's right why we should care of what they say or think if it doesn't help to get what we want

  29. Love your videos Amy. Being rebellious by nature, I think I mostly did the opposite of what my parents wanted from me. Getting confident in non co-operation with someone telling me what to do, I still continue to learn everything the hard way. The long way. But that is mostly how I learn thru experience of me doing or trying it out.

  30. Yes and no! This was something I NEEDED to hear. Just started following you and first time ever commenting on anything in YouTube.

  31. Great video! I realize that I care about what people think when I’m myself not confident. If I really like what I’m doing then I don’t care.

  32. I LOVE your channel. I discovered your little “piece of sanity” a few days ago. You have the gift of showing the significance of little things, habits, thoughts, daily stuff, and how important it is to prioritize thes things. Prioritize and maximize productivity. Thanks

  33. I use to be a very bubbly person in front of everyone, but because my best friend walked out of my life; I became super depressed for years judging myself for losing someone I really liked. Turns out that I became soooo attached to how people felt about me that I was very unstable. I was too scared to make friends or keep up a friendship because I got scared of offending anyone. However I eventually started to overcome that, and it took a lot of courage to start being myself again. What really helped me go forth was when I was trying to do this at work. My asst. manager saw me very energetic and sweet towards all the customers one day; it rather annoyed her so she try to get me in trouble by saying I shouldn't be doing some things that were perfectly okay to do. It shocked me that it was because she was irritated of how happy I was , but it woke me up saying that someone will always feel this way about anyone who is up in spirits; and its not my job to fix them or go down because of them. I ignored her, and kept doing it. She gossips about me still to this day, but everyone else enjoys this real part of me.

  34. Question 1: Yes
    Question 2: No

    It's sometimes, a lot of times, very hard to get through the the answer to the first question and get to the realization of the answer to the second question. It can take days, weeks, months, even years, especially when you're in the same industry and that industry isn't very big.

    This video helped me a lot. Thanks, Amy.

  35. When I was in fifth grade there was this boy I liked and who liked me back, so we started dating, he would write me little poems and whatnot, it was all pretty cute. And my "best friend" at the time was telling me how uncool this boy was and ew, you're dating HIM? and was in generally acting as if dating him was totally murdering my "survival". So, being young and stupid, I broke things off less than a week in, and it wasn't until about high school when I was randomly eating cereal and something in my head snapped and I just went "Oh. Oh. That bitch was just envious!"
    But yeah, if only I could go back and tell middle school me to stay away from people who crashed my self-esteem and made me question every little thing that made me who I was, inside and outside. I know that everyone was confused and pretty much awful in middle school but honestly? Fuck those toxic "friends".

  36. Does this exclude compliments? I really like to hear from someone that I know that someone I met thinks I'm nice, friendly, lovely, etc. When people say "I don't care what people think"….is that only toward criticism or is that about nice things too? I like to know both constructive criticism and compliments from other people.

  37. I am definitely a person who cares what people think of me but everyday I'm learning to take action on what I love

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