I Am Not Proud of My Sexuality

I Am Not Proud of My Sexuality


Hello! It’s finally June, pride month, the time of the year when everyone in the LGBTQA+ community just feels really proud of who they are And they go out and celebrate and party and it feels great — so long as you’re proud of who you are cut to title, I’m not really proud of my sexuality. So far as I don’t believe you can really be proud of many things you can’t change, like, I’m not proud that I’m tall, I mean, I didn’t earn it. I didn’t work towards it. I mean I’m happy I’m tall, but pride in that sense doesn’t seem to make sense to me. It doesn’t feel like the right word. About two years ago, I uploaded a video on my channel talking about my sexuality, and if you haven’t seen that yet I highly recommend you watch it as it will explain things a lot better. Too long; didn’t watch: I view myself as a demisexual, At least somewhat on the asexual scale. This wasn’t really meant to be that big of a deal at the time It’s just I had done some research and I found out about this term, I found out about how much it really relates to me And I felt like I needed to tell everyone of its existence because it just, it felt so right for me, It felt like that word normalized me, It made me feel so much less like a broken person But after making the video, things kind of blew up.
I had friends messaging me about it.
I had family talking about it, I had people I really look up to sharing the video, and honestly, as lovely as the support was, it made me uncomfortable I felt like I’d opened a can of worms. Over the years the video would get more and more support to a point where Everyone would start referring people to my video when they wanted to know more about demisexuality Like, oh, you’re thinking about this? That sounds like this guy, Evan Edinger, Here’s a video about it and, like, I’m pretty sure at this point as well It’s the most viewed video on the topic of demisexuality. Which is you know great and all like hooray! Give me those views! people like the stuff I make! Save my youtube channel! but the fact that like, something that I feel, the way that I am Is representing how a lot of other people also feel makes me really uncomfortable. Like… How can I speak for anyone else when I feel like I can barely speak for myself? One thing I tried driving home the video is that I don’t like the idea of labels and I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that in multiple videos since then. Like, view people complexly, stop putting people in boxes. Like, yes, I may view myself as a demisexual but that doesn’t mean that I tick every single box on the list and it doesn’t mean if you look up the definition of a demisexual you’re not just gonna be like: ‘Oh that’s Evan.’ Like, everyone’s different. When I made that video, I was in a really good place. I had just finished moving out of a really bad situation and into a really good and supportive one. But ever since “coming out”, it’s been getting harder and harder. You know I always used to see these youtubers making these “coming out part 2” videos and I’d roll my eyes and be like, “Ooh, losing relevancy, gotta bring ’em back in with that sweet sweet SEO” but I get it now: so much changes year to year and it’s nice to hear how family, friends, even yourself have reacted after your own self-discovery. Like how have you grown and changed since discovering this is who you are and that this label fits you? So yeah, I’m a bit annoyed at myself for not understanding that a bit earlier because it makes so much more sense now. Because I’ve been dreading making this type of video because of how I used to feel about those types of videos for a while. Tyler Oakley for instance – now I don’t know if it’s just me that feels this way – but he’s pretty much king of the gays on YouTube. I mean: There’s no election, it’s a monarchy. You could say he’s the queen; I don’t really know. All I know is that he’s an icon for homosexuality. He’s helped normalize it. He’s always speaking out important issues to the community and he’s done so many good things. If you haven’t noticed, I barely talked about my sexuality since that video, spare a joke here or there, because I don’t want it to become me. Like, I don’t want something that I cannot change about me, something that is just the way I am, to be my brand. Like… as shit youtube as that sounds, I don’t want my “brand” to be my sexuality. Personally. Tyler rocks it! He does good things with it. Me, I don’t have the chutzpah for that! I just don’t. And I don’t know if I’d want to be the brand of this thing that – I don’t even know if I really like myself. I don’t want to be defined by something that I can’t choose to be like and frankly don’t wish to be like. Yeah. It’s sad, I’m sorry. Recently – and maybe it’s the people I hang out with – I have been feeling so much more broken and confused. And the original purpose of my video was to help people that were similar to me, that happened to watch this video, Not feel broken, not feel confused, and not fear not being normal. But I’m a hypocrite. The amount of people around me saying things like: ‘”maybe if he just had sex he’d be normal” really upsets me. But it’s been said so many different times in so many different ways that It’s been driven into my mind, the main statement they’re making: I need to be fixed. I’m not normal! I’m broken. Which is the exact opposite of the thing that I made the video about. I made the video to kind of build confidence in myself Like: look I’m normal. There’s a lot of people like me. This is a normal thing. But just being around so many people that don’t necessarily believe how I am really breaks me down and makes me believe, like, Maybe it is all farce. Maybe this isn’t how I am. I hung out with this very lovely girl the other day. She came around and we kissed a lot. Quite – quite a lot. It was really nice. I liked it. But the whole time I felt bad. I felt uneasy. It just made me feel so unhappy with myself that I didn’t feel like I could ever make anyone truly happy. Because it’s just not something I feel comfortable with and I got ridiculed for that. I had people like: “Oh my God! You should just have sex and then everything would’ve been fixed with you” and that’s not – that’s not how it works. It really gets to me. It’s not – I don’t know what’s wrong. and I’ll laugh along like: ‘Sure, yeah. That’s me.’ because, you know, I like being agreeable. I like being the pit of jokes sometimes, but it really does get to me and I mean it doesn’t help the understanding of anyone else that I’m really romantically into everyone. Like: literally I’ve got a crush on every freaking girl that I’ll follow on instagram. I do. I can’t help that. I don’t want to do anything sexual with anyone. But it’s a different thing. It’s a hugely different thing: being romantically involved with someone being sexually involved with someone. But it really doesn’t help my case. Especially people that don’t understand it and so people are like ‘Obviously, you’re not like this, Evan. Because you just talked about how you have a crush on this girl.’ …What?! It becomes tiring trying to explain how you are to multiple people. And I guess that’s why people on the asexual scale are described as “invisibles”. Because we eventually just shut up about it and just accept what everyone else says. So the fact that I romantically have feelings for so many different people I know… really confuses most of my friends to the point where they’re not really understanding anything about me. And that makes me confused. Maybe I don’t even know about me either. It wasn’t until I had a long conversation with a friend of mine that I realized everything everyone had said to me had finally gotten to my core. I was defeated; I was broken. I needed to be fixed and I’d said: “You know, I just wish I could have sex to be normal. I wish I could just join everyone else and have a great time. It’d be great to be like everyone else,” and she seemed so disappointed in me. She was like, “That’s not you. What are you saying? This isn’t the person I know of” and I got so confused because this was the first time Anyone I’d spoken to slightly understood how I really was, when she’d said that. She was like ‘What? This isn’t you. You’re not into that!’ I was like: ‘But that’s what everyone wants me to be. Everyone wants me to be this way, so I need to try be that way To – you know… Please everyone! Which obviously is impossible, but… I can barely please myself! so… Whew! so I went and I had a really long sit in the park, and that’s when I realized everything I’m saying to you right now. I am not broken. I do not need to be fixed. This is how I am. I may not be like everyone else, because I’m not like everyone else. I am me and that’s okay. As alone as my sexuality makes me feel, I know that one day I’ll find the right person around the line. It’ll all be good and there’s lots of people online that share the same sexuality as me, or at least something very similar, that have shown me support in that video. And that’s what I need to keep doing every time I get doubtful. I need to look at those comments, look at people that are like me and feel normal again. Because maybe it’s just the people I hang out with are just super sexual and don’t understand me, but Yeah, quite a different video to upload this pride month, but I’m proud that I was able to come out and say this in a video because it is relieving to talk about this. It’s been building up literally for a very long time. I couldn’t talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. It’s such an uncomfortable thing for me, but here I am. Thank you for listening. If you’re like me… We’re normal, right? It’s all good. Just don’t tell anyone their feelings aren’t valid because they’re not your own. That’s so damaging and mean. So… don’t do that, please. As as usual now, I’ll be replying to your comments on this video on my video on Thursday, and a new video coming out on Sunday. Thank you very much for watching, supporting, subscribing, everything. I do really appreciate it. It does mean a lot. Thank you so much. I’ll see you guys for the next one! Goodbye

100 thoughts on “I Am Not Proud of My Sexuality

  1. I don’t want to come across as demisexuphobic, but let me be straightforward with you: making that video was a bad idea. When stuff like that is released online, people obsess over stuff and make to big of a deal. What you could of done is casually mentioned it in a video, and I think people would’ve reacted the same casual way. I hope you understand what I mean, if you don’t, please reply, I’ll reiterate if necessary

  2. I guess the main problem is that many people cannot really understand features that they do not share at least to some degree, if they even want to understand. There will always be people who react in negative ways to people who are in some ways different, because they feel threatened (I have the impression that there is especially one group that should be named: People who do not allow the thought that something is different only because it does not seem to be different to them when they superficially look at it. Then they refuse to look under the surface.). Although it should not be like that, humanity is not perfect and will never be. No one is exactly like another person but rather than harming ourselves with the wish to be different from how we are in ways we cannot or with wanting other people to accept traits of our personality or mindset in other cases when they are just unable to for reasons that are in turn part of them, we should just see the positive aspects of how we are. For example that word demisexual might describe to some degree myself. Instead of being sad about some of the consequences that has on life, I am rather happy that it also means that the way I think and act depends more on my conscious thinking than it would if I would develope sexual urges more easily.

  3. This video made me cry so hard. Coming across information regarding asexuality made me feel like i finally figured out wtf was going on with me and i was happy… then the next day i had more questions than before. Now I'm even more confused. Not knowing what my sexuality is honestly makes me feel so lost… its weird. Im 23 and have never felt so confused and never felt like I didn't even know who i was. This explains so much but still confuses me why i feel this way but feel another way as well…. idk.

  4. The “romantically into everyone” is a perfect description to me. I love that and it takes a wonderfully special person to realize how much they appreciate people for all kinds of reasons – that attraction is not just based on sexual feelings. I have people in my life I am very warm, fuzzy and crazy about, but not in a sexual way. I don’t think what you feel is weird, out of the ordinary, strange, etc. I love that you are who you are and I think you’re incredibly brave putting yourself out there – “this is me, this is Evan.” Being genuine is rare. If you were hopping from relationship to relationship or getting married and spending the next 50 years with a mate neither would make you any better or worse than you are now. Sex does not make a person. Our hearts, spirit, humanity, dreams and actions make us who we are. This Evan, the Evan you show us and share with us, is my YouTube crush because you are the perfect funny, smart, brave, genuine, goofy, open person I wish I could have been at your age. Live YOUR life the way that is honest to you and don’t look back. 💕

  5. I know this video was uploaded a while ago, but I just stumbled across it and wanted to let you know that I really resonate with what you said about labels and viewing people as the complex individuals they are. I think as a society people are uncomfortable with not knowing what something is, and rather than recognize that there are no two people that are exactly alike, all of these different labels keep popping up to try and explain things but they just create confusion and doubt when an individual tries to fully identify as one thing. In my opinion it takes more courage to say what you have in your video rather than basing your entire identity on one word, even if that one word is controversial. I don't know if that made sense outside of my own head, but there's my two cents.

  6. Thank you so much for sharing ^.^
    I totally relate to what you're saying…and it sucks, I agree.
    But again, thank you so much for sharing! It's reminded me once again that I don't need fixing.

  7. I feel very similar in some ways, and I think that it’s something that gets worse the more you overthink it. I don’t mean that in a “just have sex" kinda way, just best to carry on being yourself and hopefully the right person comes along.

  8. that's very interesting… I once went on a date with a girl who told me she felt exactly like you. I totally empathized with her. I just couldn't be on a relationship with her because I'm a very sexual person, but we became friends with each other. She was feeling kind of bad because she had been able to accept her feelings for a long time. I tried to comfort her and told her she should move on to be happy the way she was.
    ps.: sorry, English is not my mother language.

  9. When I came out to my friends in the past one of them laughed at me, the other one ridiculed me and said "you should try having a boyfriend" LOL. Actually, who cares what they say??

  10. its like you're in my head. its like I was listening to myself speak. Thank you for being so brave to talk about this.

  11. Everyone is their own person. You just keep being you. Whatever makes you happy and healthy is all that truly matters. Like I said in my comment on your previous video, you made me aware of how diverse sexuality can be for people and I appreciate that.

  12. I never really call myself demisexual even though I always have leaned more that way than I guess I would be just "sexual"🤷 but I guess I've always gotten a pat on the back for it from my friends and family seeing as I too was brought up and still am a Christian in a Christian household. That being said I think the hard part is when you do get into a relationship with someone but the true urge to have sex with them doesn't show up… For a long time if ever. It hurts to make your partner feel unwanted. Thank you for posting videos about this stuff. I know it's weird and hard because it's such a small part of who you are but it does help all of us that haven't heard someone else voice what we've felt. You are not broken, WE are not broken.

  13. You don't need to have sex to fix your problem. It s seems to me it's their problem that they cannot handle you. This video was the bravest and most honest one I've ever seen. 🦄🦄

  14. I'm asexual and I'm not proud of my sexuality. I mean, why would I be proud of it lol? I'm not ashamed either. But, I'm proud of the things I've accomplished, I'm proud I've survived suicides attempts etc.

    I'd say the same if I were gay or bi or whatever. I'm proud of who I am as a whole and I don't wanna base my whole pride on just my sexuality, cause I'm much more than that 🙂

  15. I'm glad I came across the demi-sexual flag at a convention recently. Then I tried to educate myself about it after watching several videos on the subject. I now think that label fits me the best. I've rarely experience a crush or sexual attraction to other people, except two women. When other people talk about how another man or woman looks hot, I don't "get" it. I do masturbate, but I have no real desire to act upon it with a person. I would think feelings would truly matter in forming a relationship.

  16. I think society in general puts way too much emphasis on sex. In my opinion it’s really hurting the quality of modern relationships that sex is put so high on the list of important things when you are in a relationship. Genuinely liking and caring about someone is much more important when it comes to the longevity of a relationship.

  17. Every couple of months I come back to this video. It's nice to be reminded I'm not alone in hating my asexuality. We'll love ourselves one day Evan!

  18. Be yourself. I am the same way and was told over and over again that their is something wrong with me. But there is nothing wrong with me or you. We are who we are suppose to be.

  19. I understand what you mean about people invalidating you because they don't experience the same thing. I am asexual, and no one has tried to claim that that isn't real, but what they don't understand is my romantic orientation. Many things romance-related make me kind of uncomfortable when I imagine them, although I have had exactly two crushes my entire life. What ties into that is emotional attraction, the thing about myself that I can't really understand and no one else really can either. In the absence of crushes, I do get these things called squishes, which is like a crush and feels like one, but I don't want the romantic stuff. I want to be their friend and, more importantly, know them on an emotional level. When I mentioned this in GSA at my school, the first thing people did was laugh, like it was a thing tumblr made up. They did skeptically explain what it was to the rest of the group, but it felt like they didn't believe it was real. But it exists and it is real and I don't completely understand it still. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in feeling like you're broken and like your sexuality can't possibly be real. Remember that there are so many people out there who feel the same way. All you can really do is educate people and the more they know, the more they'll start to understand. 🙂

  20. i’m probably asexual but i still go by demi as i don’t want to fully admit to myself that i’ll never experience sexual attraction

  21. You don't need to be fixed, hon. You are wonderful and valid and shouldn't be made fun of. I hope your friends try to educate themselves and start being better friends. You deserve love and support and acceptance. You don't deserve self-hate, and being around people who are ignorant and imposing their norms onto you will only imbue more of it in you. I'd suggest joing some fb groups. There are so many online safe places with like minded people. I've found like 5 different groups with really truly amazing communities, and it's really helped me with normalizing my non binary trans masc identity in my head. I always thought it would be too hard for me to confront it, but it was because i always felt alone and no one i even broached the subject with seemed to understand it in the slightest.

  22. We love you Evan!!!! 💖💖💖💖💝💝💝🇧🇪🇧🇪🇧🇪🇧🇪🇧🇪🤗🤗🤗🤗👍👍👍👍🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆

  23. Thank you, Evan. You’ve summarised how I feel and have felt for a very very long time. I felt broken, like I needed to fit it but I simply couldn’t because that’s not who I am. My family has never understood how I felt and why I had never dated and frankly, I don’t think they ever will. But even though I don’t like feeling the way I do, I’ve learnt to accept myself. I’ve learnt to say no. I’m slowly learning not to apologise being who I am. I’m also learning how not to justify myself for it. It’s been hard and painful, but there’s been progress. And I’m sure you’re progressing too. And that special person… the one you, me and all of us demi people have been looking for, will show up one day. 💕 Be true to yourself and your heart, Evan. And keep being the awesome guy we know you are.

  24. Hey thanks for checking in I’m 𝓢𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓪 𝓹𝓲𝓮𝓬𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓰𝓪𝓻𝓫𝓪𝓰𝓮

  25. Very best wishes, Evan.

    It's disappointing that there are people who don't/can't/won't accept your position. It's heartening that there are plenty of others who do.

  26. I just found you from a video you did with Harmony Nice, and omg…. THANK YOU for speaking about the asexual spectrum. I relate so frickin hard, and I'm so thankful that you talk about it and makes it visible! I appreciate you so so much, thank you again! We exist, that's a fact, and that's ok

  27. Hey Evan! I’m glad I found this video today. Recently, I found the term demisexual and realized that I could finally put a term to the way I’ve felt my whole life. At first, like you I felt whole and was excited to tell my friends and family. I practically threw a “I’m-Not-Broken-Just-Different Party.” Cut scene to multiple super allosexual friends not understanding me. Even giving me judging looks when I comment that someone I see is attractive or that I have crushes on people. They act like this attraction is proof that I’m not what I say I am. That I’m “cured.” When in reality I’m very romantically minded, just minus the other stuff. And the dating world sucks too. No one gets it. Especially when sex is treated far more casually these days. Which is fine, but daunting to be one of the few people who don’t follow society’s norms simply because I physically can’t. I can’t even bring myself to think about it until I know someone really well. But, like you, I hold out hope that one day I won’t be lonely and I’ll find the right person and it’ll all click into place. Even if recently, this is a hard thing to convince myself of.
    I know you said that you feel weird being the representative for other people, but you really helped me feel like I’m not alone. Lately, I’ve had moments of being really angry with myself for being how I am, but your video helped. Thank you so much for sharing this. I really needed it ^U^.
    I hope that in the two years since you’ve posted this, your journey has taken you to better places.

  28. Pride is the opposite of shame. And you should definitely never be ashamed of your sexuality! <3 That's the point.

  29. I'm not tall, rather short in a quite tall family, so I sort of had a complex about it for a long time, but I'm now ok with it. So it's not about pride, but about acceptance, we need to accept ourselves for what we are, and accept others how they are. And yes I am in the LGBT.., I am the "B". And I agree with you about the labels…they are just labels. Love u Evan… Don't be hard on yourself! You are what you are and we like you as you are. If there are people who think a lot about sex, there must be people in the other end, and both are "normal". It's ok!!!!!

  30. Demisexuality is a microidentity for a completely normal and common human experience. You aren’t lgbt because of it

  31. Same bruh. Hate that shit. Everyday I try to convince myself I'm not actually ace but yeah. This shit hits hard

  32. I don't think pride in the sence of pride month is meant as in proud of the sexuality itself but proud of the fact that the community stands their ground and fights to have people acknowledge we exist and are just as normal as dyacishet people.

  33. This means so much to me Evan. I have been struggling with my demisexuality for a number of years and to see someone who was in the exact same boat as me is really encouraging, im getting emotional now lol.

  34. Just popping by to add a comment today. I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum and I have a third date today and I'm dreading it, knowing that there's going to be an expectation of sex or whatever and I just wish I could be normal. I rewatch this video sometimes because it helps me to feel less alone. Thank you.

  35. I have the same problem, like I'm weird or something bc I can't be like the others..
    I was so sad and depressed before realize that I'm demisexual (and broke up with my ex), but now I think if I just accept my sexuality I'll be happier, but for some reason I feel so weird, especially because I'm 18 and I only had one relationship (2'5 years, but he cheated on me), and the others are like they had 1000 relationships, and that makes me feel a bit upset (and I can't understand their minds in that sense), I mean, I want a long term relationship, but with my age it sounds like a joke rlly…. But it's all I want, I only can be on a relationship with a (big) confidence person, and if I really feel that I'm in love with that person… But I need so much time for see that.

  36. Dear Evan honestly your great the way you are and you are an amazing person! And don’t let other people tell you that something is wrong with you you are unique in your way. Please don’t cry and get upset this is not you! I’m glad you understand that you are you and you don’t need to be fixed! Love your videos btw and dw you will meet the person of your dreams xx🙂🙂👍☺️☺️

  37. I feel really sad that how small and misunderstood you feel. I hope that as as it is now 2years later you are in a better place and feel more comfortable yourself. You can't be anyone else that you are and we love you for who you are!!!

  38. My friends were proud i was able to come out. My friendship increased with the girls, and the remaining boys just left me.

    I feel your pain, when you are talking i felt the pain carried over with the words

  39. You all have a mental problem! I don't have anything to say about all this but the Bibble does. When God created Adam and Eve there were only two genders Male and Female. God created man so that he shall multiply with the woman and when I see two guys together, it's not Normal. The only way I will agree with this is if a doctor examines a female that says she is lesbian and finds no eggs or womb then I will agree. And for guys that think they are girls if you were to get examined, and the doctor said you don't have any sperms and private part then I will agree but till then All these genders are not of God!! I don't hate anybody but that's just what I think.

  40. I'm so sorry about this man i hope your feeling better about it today. You seem so sweet and genuine and happy about the world and its heartbreaking to see you down like this… sucky things may happen but time will past and will make your life filled with beauty… goodluck on your journey and keep making videos you do make really good ones.

  41. Pride isn’t really about being something you can’t control. If it was, then straight people can feel the same pride that the LGBTQ+ community feels, but they don’t. Pride is the feeling the out community feels because they overcame things like threats, unapproved, hate and so much more just to feel accepted. If you want to feel pride, just think about the details in everything. You put out a video that was obviously hard on you to help other people like you, which has become so big and popular (I think of it that it helped such a big amount of people and probably put others in a better place). I think you need to step back, realize that this IS you, and hang around people that make you feel accepted. If you aren’t feeling accepted, then of course you aren’t going to find a feeling of pride. Pride is feeling accepted and proud of all the steps you have taken to reach it. So yes, you aren’t broken, you are normal, and you aren’t alone. Trust me, you never are.

  42. Ay yo I might be a asexual or somewhere on the scale I’m only in 7th grade but all people talk about is sex sex sex jokes about talking about it ALL THE TIME and I know I might be too young to know but I hate when people even hug me except my best freind my sister to,d my mom she thinks I might be that. I don’t know it makes me feel weird and I hate it because I can’t ever see myself feeling that way. But I don’t find it disgusting I just don’t know and my friends have said about it to me a few times cause I haven’t liked anyone for like a year which is apparently weird. I mean they find it weird I don’t wanna date even if I like someone. like we are in 7th grade calm yourself I’m waiting till I’m q6 because that’s when my mom allows it and I feel is a time when I’ll be mature enough. But I don’t know and I’m not gonna put a label on myself because it’s not important to me right know. If I am I’ll find out over time and let myself grow

    So uh, that’s is I guess 💛💜💛

  43. I totally understand, as a female who identifies demi sexual i have similar feelings wow. But truth is i just wait for the rarity of when i really want to do something saucy, which is EXTREMELY rare, and my partner understands but honestly sometimes i wish i could find a demi sexual guy, just to not have that as a constant issue in every relationship, sex isnt important to me, and i mostly only would even bother for the sake of someone im with but sometimes it doesnt work. I would say, honor your sexuality, and just get some nee friends, theres nothing wrong with you, its just differences in humans as long as youre taking good care of yourself :). And if the person youre with can t work it out with you and find a compromise then maybe its not a right fit. I completely understand this turmoil of wanting to give this to them but just not having much interest or little/ varying sexual desire.

  44. Youre just fine the way you are, go to therapy hun youre not broken ❤️❤️❤️ i get you fam. I feel like this sometimes too. Nice video.

  45. You aren't broken! No one is, everyone is beautiful/handsome. Being demi-sexual means you aren't going to fall for someone at first sight. Meaning you are one of the most loyal people out there!!!! Please be proud of who you are……

  46. You are valid! And youre not alone! Ich finde es besonders als Asexuelle Person das schwer zudefinieren was man nun ist, finde Personen interessant aber denke dabei nicht an Sex, habe aber auch Sex, finde es aber extrem ätzend wenn es um nichts anderes geht, ist also ehr eine Nebensache. Zu was macht mich das? -.-

  47. Thank you Evan, seriously. I've been in the same situation for so long and felt so trapped because no matter who you talk to about this, they just… don't get it. I too felt very ashamed to talk abou this topic, mostly because it does get really tiring to explain people how you are okay, you don't need to be in a relationship to feel complete. So honestly, truly, deeply, thanks. Knowing someone out there goes through the same crap I do is really comforting. And if you ever need to talk with anyone about this, you can always count on me.

  48. Thank you so much. You managed to articulate so many things I have felt that I just didn't know or feel like I could say. Thank you

  49. You fighting tears has me almost about to cry,I can relate and I hope one day to feel better about something that is just you

  50. I’m demi and gay and I totally know what you mean. I still think it’s important to work on Ace visibility in society, so pride could still be something positive, if it hadn’t been hijacked by big money.

  51. I came across your channel from the tests in the US VS UK videos and then stumbled into the sexuality videos. That is a metaphor for my experience as a demi person if anything is.

    This video just made me want to give you a hug and I am sorry that has been your experience.

  52. As an ace person I relate so so much to so many of the things you said in this video. You're one of the first people I ever saw who talked about asexuality and basically how I learned it exists- so *thank you*. Thank you SO so much for being willing to talk about this even though it's something you maybe aren't so proud of, because it helped me and continues to help me and I think it has helped a lot of other people as well. 💜💜💜

  53. I know that I am responding to this video two years after you originally posted this video. It made me cry. There is NOTHING wrong with you.

  54. Since I started to discover my sexuality and the fact that I'm not "normal" (whatever that may be) I found out that I'm rather on the asexual side of the spectrum. I did a lot of research and had some minor and major crises about not really belonging into one of this categories or not being able to identify with all of the certain things you should be if you belong into this box. Your video helped me a lot to understand many things and see them from a different point.
    I'm now proud to say that I know more about who I'm after I've watched this video. But I'm also not "proud" about being in this spectrum because you nearly never find people who you can talk too and that makes the whole topic of relationships even more complicated…

    What I actually intended to say was: Thank you for uploading this video!! It helped me soo much and I hope you're feeling good!

  55. Broken is the word I've been living with to describe myself for the past 6 years since finding out I'm on the spectrum, so I completely understand where you're coming from, particularly with the point about not wanting to label myself publicly.
    Unfortunately I don't have any advice but I'm glad you have a friend who understands and appreciates you for who you are.

  56. Evan.. I've claimed to be Pansexual (aside from my family cause they dont 'get it', whatever that means) for over 4 years now, is when I realized I was into anybody and everyone. But after falling in love with a friend who I couldnt be with, and going through a long term relationship (ending in a breakup), I've realized that I may be Demi, I've been using this term when people ask (or there's a questionnaire online) and it's been fitting me even more than I though Pansexual did. I'm feeling more at home with myself and not trapped. Thank you for bringing light this term and the whole asexual community. Thank you for this video, and your coming out video, and for being you. I've been watching you for a long time and when I first saw your demisexual video, I had a quick thought that that term may fit me more, but I was dealing with so much crap from my family for coming out as Bisexual ( very soon after broadened to Pansexual) so I tried to not give it much thought. Now im.out of the house and can be 100% without hiding it. And I am so grateful for that.

  57. When you are aromatic as well as asexual, then you get the “broken” feeling in 2 ways, I’m being left out, and if you had sex you would be fixed bs

  58. hey! so, i'm assexual, and i've known it for a really long time, but only came around to accepting it a few months ago. only my closest friends know about this,, but i do have ace friends irl and it does feel good talking about it with them. and i rarely ever talk about it with other ppl bc i don't really care about sex, i can talk about it normally and whatever, even if i feel very out of place when ppl start talking about their fetishes or stuff like that, you know. and to be honest the reason i haven't told my newest friends is exactly bc i feel they wouldn't take me seriously bc of previous experiences with them. it sucks. and i'm sorry you're going through this, i truly hope you can feel better about it one day. i don't feel proud of being assexual either for similar reasons as you; it's not something i worked hard to achieve, it's not something i can choose, and if i could choose i'd definately not be it. anyway, watching videos of ppl talking about their experiences makes me feel better, i even tried to record one myself but it turned out a mess lol. we really need to get together as na ace spectrum community, bc feeling isolated in our everyday lives seems to be a very common experience in addition to being this way. idek where i'm going with this comment, just want you to know you're not alone and hope you feel better soon <3

  59. I am so happy I have discovered your channel because I was interested to check out how is life for foreigners living in Germany. So the first video I saw of you was the video just about that and I enjoyed, and laughed hard and I thought that you are a cool dude.
    I am a demisexual too. I agree with you that no one demi is the same. Also , I hope you learned to shove a middle finger at people who try to tell you how you should be ( It helped me 😀 ) . Dunno, the more I am honest with myself the happier I am. I'd better cut ties with some wrong people than betray myself again.
    You know I can get inspired by many people. Like I can be over the hills about many guys. But it doesn't mean – I wanna do that dude or something of a kind 😀 Like love and loyalty is sacred. Period. So hope you challenged your ' inner Bitch' to deal with some annoying people 😀 Cheers 🙂

  60. Everyone seems so obsessed with identity politics these days. People celebrating the fact that they were born with a vagina, or born with more melanin in their skin, or born being attracted to people of the same sex etc. Who cares? Be proud of your achievements and how you treat people, not for attributes over which you have no control.

  61. I relate to everything u said. And I just want to say weldone and thank u for being brave to post this and u made me cry so I hate u now 😂😂 have a good day everyone

  62. Thank you for this. We may not be what people want us to be and we may not always be proud of who we are, but it’s okay to not be proud sometimes. But in the end, we are who we are and we have to accept that and find something to be proud of.

  63. I came here after realizing 'demisexual' is a term and wanting answers. I was confused because I thought, or at least I want to think, that most people prefer sex after emotional connection is established. Honestly I feel that 'demi' being a term at all is more like an American dating culture thing – as in, Americans are more active sexually before any connection/bond/commitment is established. I can be total ignorant but just my 2 cents as a foreigner. Sometimes it takes an outsider to point out the obvious. If I have to put a label on me, I'm demi, whatever. Labels don't matter.

  64. What is so hard to understand?
    Romantic connection and sexual connection don't need each other to exist.
    Im not demisexual, but im not dumb, Jesus Christ.
    These people don't make any effort to understand.
    So they say: "Just have sex!" wtf

  65. I don't think your should be proud of your sexuality; for the reason that it's not something you achieved. However, I think you should be proud of your work and how absolutely adorable you are! 🙂

  66. Hi, so I'm a bit late, but I just wanted to say you inspire me a lot! I'm fifteen and biro-ace, but I mostly just come out as bisexual, because I got tired of having to give a "vocab lesson" to everyone I wanted to come out to as me. I think it's amazing that you're willing to put yourself out there, and I know how it feels to be told you aren't right or that you aren't real. Thank you, so much for both coming out and making these videos. Your sexuality definitely doesn't define you, but I want you to know that my world is so much brighter knowing that there are other people out there like me, so thanks again.

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