I’m not nervous to post this video, you’re nervous to post this video. Hey everyone So what do you think we should talk about in today’s video? Puppies? Pie? Bubble tea? Puzzles? Mulan? Robots? Succulents? Climate change? Waffles? Huh… I am really drawing a blank on what today’s post should cover. We could have a staring contest. BAH! I got you. I got you I got you I got you. I could tell you some of my favorite dad jokes. Why can’t cows be feet models? Cuz they lac-tose. I’m in a band. We call it 10-23 megabytes. Why? We haven’t had a gig yet. What do you call a silly joke about a mediocre golfer? Par-cheesy. Huh, you could watch me eat cereal for five minutes Nah, y’all read the title you know why you’re here. Lol, I’m trans. I like that coming out: real low-key, not a big deal “Lol I’m trans”. I wish that’s how every coming-out could be. “Lol, I’m bi.” “Lol, I enjoy gay sex.” Just, eh. So, surprise! Some of you are like, “duh. Is this an announcement? You talk about being genderqueer all the time, of course you’re trans.” I like you guys! I guess it’s an announcement because I’ve never said it before. I’ve never called myself “trans” or owned that identity online. Why? Because I have been scared shitless. There are so many people out there, vocal people, frightening aggressive obsessed people, who hate when nonbinary folks call themselves trans. And I mean HATE. Some even go so far as making entire channels dedicated to “the cause”. They’ve decided that this is the hill they want to die on. Unfortunately, I’ve been letting these folks influence me for a long time now They are an impressively intimidating group, and I ended up internalizing so much of the anti-NB propaganda they sent my way. This is the truth about why I recently took a break from YouTube. I didn’t feel like I could be myself cuz I wasn’t trans enough. Transitioning, legally changing my name, altering my body, switching my pronouns… These things all felt off-limits for me. Cuz that’s only what binary trans people do. And us nonbinary snowflakes better stay in our lane lest we be DESTROYED I thought if I tried to make any public changes to make myself happy then certain people would see that as me trying to be trans and they would tear me down. Because I am a ridiculously sensitive person that sounded like a literal nightmare, to me. Telling you now: I don’t have the coping skills to handle being the next SJW meme. Unconsciously, I think I decided, “it’s all right. I mean, I’m kind of doing okay now. I’m not like, miserable, or anything. Mostly. Whatever. I’ll just hang out. Keep flying under people’s radar. It’s the safest thing to do. Who really needs to be themselves, that’s like, overrated, I hear. Unfortunately that only lasted so long until I became profoundly depressed. I’m great now though, don’t worry, and these are some things I learned. One. You can only pretend to be something you’re not for a while. It won’t last forever. Two. You can’t make everyone happy. Me calling myself trans is gonna piss some people off. Me physically transitioning is gonna confuse the heck out of some folks. And that’s just how it’s gonna be! No matter how much I might not like it, there’s nothing I can do about it. I found some real peace in accepting this, and I’ve made the conscious decision to be done worrying about how others will react to my transness. I also don’t have any desire to try and convince close-minded humans to respect my gender or pronouns, cuz frankly I feel my time and efforts are better spent focused on living a happy, healthy, rad life, rather than debating the validity of… me… with strangers. So if you think I’m a goofy trans trender, that’s a bummer, but it’s also not my problem! What I care about is concentrating on being my best, truest self and building others like me up. That just sounds so much better to me than being scared and angry, so, I’m doing it. And that’s what my story and channel are going to be, moving forward. Authenticity, positivity unapologetic exploration of self, fearless experimentation and expression. I truly can’t tell you how excited I am to be ME! Like how cool is that! You are watching me give myself permission to be a hundred percent exactly who I am! I get to be me! That’s frickin magical! And what’s even sweeter is the rest of my life I get to be this way. It’s so… freeing. So what do you all need to know about my transness? My name is Ash. Disclosure: I haven’t made that officially legal yet because I’ve been afraid, but that might change soon. I’m pronoun indifferent. This means he/she/they, I’m cool with any or all of those. You can use them interchangeably, even. I might like that. And finally, I’m in the early stages of considering physically transitioning. Now you know! If you dig all this, dope! If you aren’t into it, okay, but you might want to unsubscribe. Cuz I’m done not being exactly who I am, and I’m not about to change that for you. For those who do plan on sticking around though, I’m stoked I think we are in for an exciting ride. Okay, bye!