My Sexuality | Evan Edinger

My Sexuality | Evan Edinger


Hey there! So as you can tell from the title
of this video, today I’m gonna be talking about something that’s very personal to me
which is my sexuality. And the reason I’m talking about this is because
I’ve been hinting at it a lot on Tumblr, and I’ve been seeing people that identify with
me and commenting and asking me things, and it’s been really relieving to know that there
are other people out there like me, so if you’re watching this and you happen to identify
with me, just know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re completely normal, and you’re
not alone. That’s the goal of this. So I think the easiest way to jump into this
is to just go into a story. So I remember when I was in 5th grade. My friend Michael
came up to me and he was like “Hey Evan! Do you know Gina?”
And I was like “Gina from Mrs. Reeves class! Yes I do!”
And he was like “I got a big crush on her” And I was like “Oh okay! That’s pretty cool.”
And then he was like “So who’s your crush, Evan?”
To which I responded “I don’t have any crushes. I just… don’t have any crushes.”
And Mike was like “Dude. Dude I just told you who I had a crush on and you’re not gonna
like tell me?!” So Mike and I didn’t really talk much after
that. There was a weird trust thing obviously there. But the thing is, I genuinely didn’t
have a crush on anyone, and that’s the first instance in my life I recall where I felt
like I didn’t fit in. Like everyone I knew was getting in relationships or gossiping
about some hot celebrity, and I was sitting over there like, “I mean I guess I can see
how they’re objectively attractive; can’t we get back to math class?” So, that’s how I was. And I figured maybe,
ya know, I just haven’t hit puberty yet, and I’m gonna learn. And of course in 5th grade
we did get the “puberty talk” which was our sex ed in America which was “Here’s a penis.
Here’s some hair. Put’em together; that’s you next year! Also your voice’ll crack.” So congratulations American health system;
I really learned quite a lot about my bodyHowever, it wasn’t 4 years later until we
had the actual sex talk which wasn’t really that good either because all I learned was
“Here’s the miracle of life. Straight people havin’ sex making straight babies.” I didn’t learn anything about any other types
of sexualities or anything. So thanks for that. Of course, yes. Why didn’t your parents
teach you? I was risen in a very Christian environment so sex was definitely not on the
dinner table conversation, you know what I’m saying? So therefore I was kinda just living day by
day going “Why am I not attracted to anyone; this is kind of weird.” I didn’t really think about it too much cause
I was so focused on my studies. However, when I did hit 10th grade that’s when I was like
WHOAH! Alyssa! Whoo! Women! Hot! I can totally! It was like a nice awakening for me where
I realised that I liked girls. Congratulations Evan, you’re heterosexual; is that really
what this is about? Not really. However, that’s when I hit puberty. I was
a bit late, so I started to find an attraction to people, but it wasn’t until I was graduating
high school… I was about 18 years old till I got my first relationship. We were together
for a year and a half and we never did the do. No sex. We just didn’t want to. And a
lot of people don’t believe that, but the thing is as much as I loved her, and as much
as I was into her, and we made out and hung out all the time, and I really cared about
her, sex just wasn’t something that I cared about. I wasn’t driven towards that. Which
makes ya know, party conversations a bit awkward because any party I go to nowadays is like Never have I ever: screwed a girl in a golf
course. I’m gonna go that way. I’m just not interested in it. It’s totally
cool for everyone else to be interested in it because that could be their own sexualities.
But for mine, I really don’t identify that way. However, it wasn’t until maybe about last
year sometime when I was telling this story to a friend, and she said, “ya know, Evan, it sounds a bit like you’re
demisexual.” And I was like “What the heck is demisexual?
How many types of sexualities are there?” Well! There’s a lot! There is literally an
infinite number of numbers (real numbers) in between 0 and 1. It’s the same type of
thing between heterosexuality and homosexuality and between sexuality and asexuality. So that’s
where I kinda started to research into it and found out there is a thing such as demisexuality. However, something you should know is that
I don’t 100% identify with this because I don’t really like labels. So if I said “Hi,
I’m a demisexual.” You might say “That means that you’re this and this and this…” Not
true. Not necessarily. And if you’re like “what’s this, Evan?” To tell you the truth, I’m still pretty new
to it, but demisexualism is when for instance, I can develop romantic feelings for people,
but I don’t develop sexual feelings towards anyone until a deep companionship is formed,
and even then, that’s just a prerequisite. It doesn’t mean I’m just gonna be like Oh!
We’re friends! Let’s bang! That’s not how it is. I can’t help it either.
Like a lot of people will say “Oh, well isn’t that just called having standards?” No, that would be if I was choosing that.
I do not choose to have a sexual feeling for someone; it just happens. You all understand
that as well. But for mine of course, I have to be very
good friends with someone and know them so strongly on an emotional level before then
my body starts to go “ya know what? We should do the do.” Now there’s a problem with this though. It’s
probably a reason why I’ve been single for 6 years. Which is that, it’s the opposite
way that most people work. Because this happened actually a couple weeks ago: One of my friends, I was like “ya know she’s
pretty attractive, pretty smart, pretty funny…” I’m just gonna ask her to see if ya know,
would you ever consider dating me? Now her response was “oooo Evan, do you really
wanna risk ruining this friendship?” Which unintentionally was probably the most
heartbreaking thing she could’ve said to me because that’s just how I am. I don’t really develop strong feelings for
anyone unless I’m friends with them whereas most people, once you’re friends with someone,
you don’t develop those feelings because you know, you’re friends. You’re not in a relationship. So it really sucks in a way to be the way
I am. But I’m kinda happy? Like now that I know that I’m not alone. There’s so many other
demisexuals out there, there’s other people on the asexuality scale that don’t have any
sexual drive at all. I do have a sexual drive, it’s just very low,
and it’s not on the top of my mind at all times. Most times I’m doing other things.
That’s why I focused so much on my studies when I was in America. And now I’m doing YouTube,
and I’ve got a job. Sex just doesn’t drive me as much as it drives
other people. But that doesn’t mean that other people are wrong and I’m right or that I’m
wrong and other people are right. We all just have different sexualities. So I’m hoping, some of you out there identify
with me or if you’re out there and you have some similar type of thing, I’d love to hear
about it because honestly, I was living the first 23 years of my life confused and wondering
why I didn’t have the normal feelings that everyone in movies does. So if you do identify,
please I wanna talk to you, I wanna like… Open your eyes! It’s really great! I’m really
happy that I’m able to talk about this. But anyway, thank you so much. I’m glad that
you took the time to watch this. I know it was a bit personal, but I hope that I was
able to help at least 1 or 2 people. So yeah, I guess I will see you guys next
week. Thank you so much for watching. Good bye. *cue the catchy whistling outro tune*
*swish* *swoosh*

100 thoughts on “My Sexuality | Evan Edinger

  1. I feel sexual attraction towards men as a man and not women but I don't have romantic attraction towards females or males… it's weird but I'm still pretty young (in 7th grade) so these feeling may come up later

  2. Thank you for posting this! I totally get what you say about crushes in elementary, I used to essentially chose a person at random who I would tell my friends I had a crush on that year. I identify as asexual, not demisexual, and I actually started using that label for myself before I knew it was an actual thing. It's awesome to see people who also have a different view on sexual relationships than most people.

  3. I remember watching this 4 years ago and relating to it but not wanting to acknowledge it. It’s nice to come back 4 years later when I’m trying to figure myself out… 🙂❤️

  4. You are not Demisexual you are lucky that women can't take advantage of your hormones and play on your desires

  5. Me: I'm bi
    Person: Wtf no I won't fuck you
    Me: Why tf would I want that? You don't want to fuck every girl too, don't you?
    Person: Ummmm

  6. Evan, thank you for sharing your experience. It's good to understand other people. (I'm homosexual, btw.)

  7. ‘i mean i guess i can see how they’re objectively attractive and.. can we get back to math class?’ awwww omg that’s so cute

  8. You look almost like a twin of me.
    The similarities are actually scary.
    Never in my life have I seen someone who looked that much like me.

    Apart from that I really dont care about your sexuality.
    Have a good one sir.

  9. "Mom, Dad…..
    I only like to fuck people if I'm already in love with them."
    "Get out. NOW. We only accept SLUTS in this household!"

  10. IM SO HAPPY YOU SPOKE ABOUT THIS, it feels like there’s zero media representation of the asexual spectrum in the media

  11. I'm sorry but it's stupid.

    Not the meaning but the name itself, Demisexual !! WTF

    I swear these names are stupid AF.

  12. Okay. I have no crushes. I’m straight. Don’t care. Why is bed hopping “normal? Doing the do isn’t a prerequisite to a relationship. You’re awesome!

  13. this video was what helped make me realize how i identified a few years back. i went back and watched it again and i just wanted to thank evan for this. <3

  14. Damn im 31 and i can relate… but I was in a middle/high school relationship for 7 years. I'm demi sexual and it sucks in this culture lol, but i won't lie im highly sexual just need the emotional connection first…which is very hard to find someone similar haha

  15. That is very interesting, first time I have ever heard this. Thanks for opening up and sharing. I learn something new every day. :):)

  16. Tell me if I'm wrong but isn't that just a preference? Like isn't a sexuality where you are are attracted to a gender/genders.

  17. Nice to someone else like me, finally!
    I was always able to see that someone was attractive with a fun personality, but I would want a platonic friendship (hugs and poking fun at eachother). I was confused when the girls talked about which celebrities they wanted to bang because I couldn't see the appeal in it.
    Turns out, I have to develop a loving best-friendship with a guy before I want to do the naked cuddle.
    I was 20 when I had my first "sexual awakening".

  18. It's not that I'm necessarily confused about this but more wanting to know why I haven't had any attractions to other people as my friendship group and can also seems like the whole year group have had crushes and boyfriends and I'm just like yeah cool and it puts me in a downer😂. And in a way doesn't make sense to me why any ways I'm glad I have found this cos it seems there are plenty out there in the same bracket and also explaining their story

  19. I’m so happy that you made this video! Listening to other demisexuals going through the same things/ relating to things is so relieving to hear and makes me feel so much more normal. I’m really glad demisexuality is being more talking about 🙂 please continue to make more videos in the future !

  20. Cool. I know the feeling. Women are sexy, but I wouldn't want a sexual relationship with a woman who wasn't already a great friend. I didn't know there was a name for that. Even if it doesn't cover everything perfectly, at least it's an identifiable starting point for describing my romantic relationship attitude. Thanks, mate!

  21. Personally for me I'm just not interested in dating. I prefer to just have friends or be alone. I also find that it is a shared interest in something or their personally that attracts me to them, but I never have desire to date anyone or have sex.

  22. You r a damn lucky man! I wish I was demisexual! I hate being driven by sex and I don't want to think about girls when I can do better things. I hate it when I lose my focus because my crush texted me or something. I've been looking for almost 2 years on how to turn your sexual desires off, but I've found nothing so far. You have the perfect sexuality at all! not completely turned off, you get it when you need it, and most importantly you know that you love the other person when you feel sexually attracted to him/her

  23. Well, I consider myself semi-sexual which is pretty similar to what you describe – and as well as you say it's not a strict description. It just means that I watch porn and masturbate but am not interested in having sex with other people. I had sex with a very close friend but I realized that it felt more like a task and not more. I had a romantic crush on another friend and it took me a whole year to figure out if it was intense enough to bother him with 'going the next step' – whatever that might have looked like. I was never interested in having sex with him but nonetheless had wished to enter some sort of relationship with him. I had feelings, he had feelings, too. That it didn't work with us two had other reasons but if you're interested in these reasons, you could check out a story I'm currently writing if your German is good enough by now 😉

  24. I can sorta relate to this. For me, I don’t get romantic feelings straight away. They have to evolve from platonic feelings.

    I didn’t realise this until I met this one girl. Now, I had seen this girl before in and around school. We didn’t talk much but we still did talk. She was an attractive girl, but I had no feelings for her. I then got to know her a little better, and suddenly and without warning, all these new feelings came rushing, almost like a stampede. I didn’t know what to do, I had sorta crushes before (I think I just forced myself to have those feelings because of peer pressure) but nothing like this.

    No we didn’t end up together. I still haven’t admitted it, and those feelings have all but died down. I used to think about her every night. Now, it’s like once a month, if even that.

    I don’t think I’ll ever admit it, because one we don’t talk anymore. And two, I have lost almost all feelings for her.

  25. Coming from a aroace-
    Since you are not fully sure you could say you are on the “asexual spectrum” to not give yourself a specific label 🙂 ♠️♠️

  26. Hey I’m demisexual too. I was really confused for such a long time and it’s nice to know I’m not alone. 🙂

  27. Fair play to you, friend! Gender and sexuality are on such a massive spectrum that I don't know if anyone fits inside of a cute tidy box. Not if they're being completely honest with themselves by way of self reflection. I never really questioned my sexuality (well I did but more along the lines of why can't you be ___), but my gender identity was a secret force that I wrestled with ever since I was 4 years old. Even though I dated intelligent, politically cool girls, they always told me that I wasn't allowed to talk about. Well 3 relationships and 11 year later I found myself newly single. Once I moved into my new apartment the 1st thing that I unpacked was my new prescription for testosterone and needles to inject myself with. The physical changes took several months but the feeling I got from the 1st plunge of the syringe — that very 1st time — was so overwhelming and empowering! I haven't looked back since. And neither should you. You are who you are not what you are. You will surely find a loving partner who understands you and is willing to focus more on emotions than physical lust. ✊

  28. Wow this is the best sexuality I have ever heard! So basically your other half would always be a best friend. And you have to actually care about a person before considering sex with her. You are a dream boyfriend!

  29. Rather than label yourself as Demisexual it sounds more like you're a person of high morals and someone that does not affiliate with sleeping around or looking at sex as a recreational sport or perhaps a experimental lab for relationships.

  30. I was 22 and sitting with a group of queer friends who were having a conversation that I was listening to but not participating in bc I felt I had nothing to add but plenty to learn. A lesbian friend mentioned demi-sexuality and it was like being splashed in the face with cold water. Like, WAKE UP!
    I made her repeat what she said and elaborate, and it made so much sense to me. I'd never been able to explain to people why I didn't really have crushes and they never believed that I didn't. It's nice to make sense of your peculiarities.
    I've never thanked my college friend for that, and it's been 5 years. I think I'm going to message her on Facebook now.

  31. demisexual isn’t a sexuality. it isn’t an attraction to a gender it’s just a personality trait that has a label. Demisexuals arent part of the lgbt community

  32. I'm so glad I'm seeing more and more Ace-spectrum people around all the time! It's so difficult to figure out why you are or aren't feeling something when the range of romances (or really any relationship) is really narrow and specifically catered. Congrats and thanks for sharing!!

  33. So I personally see demi/gray/a sexual is more of a filter so are you straight, gay, bi, pan etc. ?
    Edit: never mind I didn't watch enough

  34. I've had people ask me to be their girlfriend before and some of them i thought were actually nicepeople, but I could never say yes, because I didnt really know them. I've only loved somebody once in my life, we had a thing for 5 years before he wound up hurting me and left me. I just can't do relationships like other people.
    I hate the concept of liking someone's body then going out then liking them more. I prefer the other way around like you said. I don't want to commit to a relationship with somebody before I even know them. I'm either demisexual or demiromantic. I dont know the exact definition of both of them so if anyone has information can you please help me out? Thx ♡

  35. Why?! Why do people feel the need to broadcast their sexuality? Either like this video, or by forcing it into movies where there is no reason for it whatsoever. I keep seeing posts about crap like, people wondering if Fin and Poe are a gay couple,etc,etc. It makes no sense to me why people feel the need to draw attention to what gender it is that they are sexually attracted to, for no real reason. They're basically just blurting out "Hey, I have sex with males." or "Hey, I have sex with females." Who gives a shit? Seriously? What purpose does this serve? And, no offense, but it's almost always people that are "sexually different". If anyone complains about me saying it that way, they're ridiculous. There's nothing offensive about putting it that way. Besides, it's accurate. You don't see heterosexuals having parades or just going around and broadcasting,"Hey, I like to have intercourse with the opposite sex." Why? Because no one gives a shit. No one cares where you like to stick your penis. Or where you like penises stuck. It's fucking ridiculous. And people get irritated because no one likes to be confronted with someone else's sexuality or sexual practices unsolicited. Those are answers you give when asked, or when the situation warrants it. It's not info you throw out in front of people that aren't expecting it, or who don't care to know. And, you know what, if a "straight" person were to openly talk about their sexuality at work they would get fired for sexual harassment,because some people are made very uncomfortable talking or hearing about such things. But in my workplace, multiple times I've had to stand there and listen to some woman talk about how she's a lesbian and she's proud to let everyone know. That's inappropriate behavior and there's a complete double standard when it comes to that shit. And before you say anything,yes I know the title of this video informs people ahead of time,before they click the video. Which is good. This rant is more of a response to the trend in general. It's tiring and it's annoying. And completely unnecessary. I don't expect anyone to give a shit where I like to put my privates. And I don't care to hear what you like to do with yours. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm sure many people feel the same way.

  36. Yes, my experience exactly. My neighbor's daughter kept nagging me about my classmate liking another classmate. So in order for her to have left me alone I gave her a random classmate name. BUT I HAD LIED. Story of my life. 😊 😊 😊 😊 😊 😊 😊

  37. I’m not Demi but I mean I feel like you can’t really ask anyone out til you befriend them. I just feel like thats how it works. Ur friends then ur whatever spouse.

  38. Thank you for putting this into words.
    I honestly thought I was ace for the longest time for this very reason.
    I've never dated anyone and only seem to develop feelings for people after knowing them for longer than 6 months and being incredibly close friends with them.
    It seems like trying to intentionally facilitate a relationship just serves as a major turn off to said relationship which makes dating an absolute blast.

  39. Also, I lost my best from childhood after 6 years of doing everything together because she wanted to talk about celebrity crushes (her's was Joe Jonas) and I didn't have one. She went on to ask me who my 'in person' crush was if I had no celebrity crushes. I asked her to define a crush, proving my Ravenclaw status, and she told me it was someone whom you like in a 'special' way. So, i told her she was my crush and was utterly confused and devistated when she ceased to hang out with me… So, yeah…

  40. I wish that people could just comfortably be whatever they are without having to figure out what it's called. I guess we're making progress tho, it's better than it was.

  41. I am aromantic and asexual and I have felt so alone for so long now and this is exactly how I feel and I love that I have now met everyone else in the asexual community and everyone is so accepting and loving and I can’t thank everyone in the community enough!! ❤️❤️

  42. Hey, I’m also Demi. So, when I was younger all these girls were Obsessed with boy bands, and even a specific boy in the band. They would ask me who I thought was the cutest and I told them that I really didn’t care, and guess what… they scuffed at me.

    Then their was this time that I told a boy at my school (Keep in mind that most everyone That I went to school with was horrible to me.) that I didn’t understand why girls were obsessed with Justin Bieber. He said “Oh, you probably have posters of him all over your room.” Which for some reason upset me.

  43. I had no idea this existed and sounds crazy but I totally identify with you. I am so glad I came across your videos. You are amazing man. I love everything British and watch tons of you tubers and I go to London a few times a year. Anyways thanks for this video and your content is great. I would love to pick your brain sometime

  44. Evan, I'm not demisexual, but at your age I had almost no interest in sex. I considered joining a monastery despite not being Catholic. Some of your other interests parallel my own, with Mandarin occupying the place in my life that German does for you. I gather you have a strong interest in mathematics, also like me. I only discovered your videos in the past day or two but I'm already hooked.

  45. With everyone being out and up front about their sexualities, a demi person has a better chance of meeting other demi folk, and finding someone truly compatible. Bless!

  46. wow, why don't more people know about this? It explains so much and i don't feel like a complete oddball anymore 🙂 this is really helpful. Thanks Even

  47. I identify as a lesbian, but I'm Asexual. Back when I was 12 I realized I wanted to be in a relationship with a female, we got together and were together for 2 years. That's when I came out properly as a lesbian, this is also when I realized that I had no sexual drive, my girlfriend at the time would basically beg for us to bang, but no matter how much I loved her, I just didn't want to. I've never experienced a "sexual" attraction to anyone, yes I have found certain people people to look "appealing" but I have to have a strong bond with this person in order to start developing romantic feelings. A year ago, I was researching sexualities for a project and I came across Asexual. After alot of research and asking my nurse about it, I realized I was Asexual. To this day, I still have people saying "How can you be a lesbian when you don't feel sexually attracted to someone?"
    I simply say that I find them romantically appealing, due to this I actually experienced alot of bullying got beaten up for still being a virgin.
    I feel good to have that off my chest.

  48. I'm demi-sexual and it's kinda OK it can cause a lot of problems with my friends but they are slowly learning to accept me and we'll done for coming out xx

  49. Saw this when it was first posted, didn't think much of it on a personal level… Fast forward 4 years, and I find myself in a situation very similar to what Evan described with the "do you really want to ruin this friendship" and I went hm. This seems familiar.
    Anyway, probably demisexual and proud of it! Thanks for this video, it helped a lot ❤️

  50. Love is weird I'm a gay trans polysexuil human being
    I don't care for labels because I'm still human and so are yous so take life by the lemons and live your life the way you want it, screw the haters and live your life xxx

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