hello! it’s seo from tbhstudying, and oops, i did it again! i churned through another bullet journal like a ravenous beast. honestly, i’m a little disappointed because i thought i would be able to wrap up my journal perfectly with graduation and just get that time perfectly right, but i guess we just can’t have nice things sometimes also, it is entirely my fault that i’m finishing my bullet journal this early this quick because i was the fool who forgot her notebooks at home and took notes in her bullet journal instea i’m just living my best life as an absolute clown oh that reminds me. i’m actually terrified of clowns i don’t know what it is about them but they genuinely give me the heebie-jeebies and yeah i must have had some sort of repressed traumatic experience with clowns when i was a kid or something or maybe it was ronald mcdonald. i don’t know but there’s that weird fact about me i’m scared of clowns and once again, i managed to completely derail a voiceover as i sail off towards a tangent in the distance. but um yeah, yes. okay. yes, bullet journal time looking back. i genuinely feel like i’ve improved in terms of composition calligraphy, etc, etc over the years. i know I’m not showing it in this video right now, but compared to my old bullet journals, i really like the way my bullet journal this time around looks. i know i usually just slap stuff on without thinking too much about it but i think i’ve gotten better at slapping things together with some sense of style i don’t know. it’s kind of hard to explain but i’ve developed a better sense about it maybe?? i’ve definitely remained predictable in terms of color choices, though. if anything, i’ve just transitioned from using an obscene amount of blues and greys to using light browns and pinks and sort of beige-y colors? so there’s that. i also started using actual monthly calendars because surprise, surprise i got busy with actual deadlines that i had to respect like a functional human being i’m doing the same for this month actually because ap exams are in the first two weeks and there are a whole bunch of other events that i as a high school senior have the explicit privilege (and when i say privilege, i mean burden) of doing!!!!
(note: i’m definitely very excited wowieeeeeee oh no) what fun! i will admit that these actual monthly calendars of the boxes are not particularly creative or artistic but they sure are functional! my apologies for the kinda boring video setup thingy i’ve got for you this time but i’ll try to cook up something spicier for june and considering that i’m starting a new bullet journal and that i’m reflecting back, i think i’m gonna talk about how i’ve changed over the years, sort of? i think i’ve talked about this before but um, yeah, i love reusing old topics i just love talking about useless things in the long run but um, i’d like to think i’ve grown more confident in both my personality and the content that i create i’m more comfortable with cracking jokes and inserting memes into my videos and just being more of myself i’ve also started live streaming more and i will entirely admit that i’m still super nervous when i livestream sometimes but i’m getting used to it i started a podcast to which i am horribly behind on. yes, i know, i read your comments and I see your dms telling me to start making a new podcast episode but i just don’t have much time nowadays and when i’m stuck choosing between making a new video or making a new podcast episod, i just generally choose a new video and also unrelated to any studyblr or a bullet journal thing, but i think i’ve gotten better at writing. i write sort of as a creative hobby and i’ve been doing some parallelism or some sort of like connection continuity stuff in my writing? i don’t really know how to describe it with the formal literary term which is a bad sign considering that i’m in ap lit and i’m supposed to know literary devices and i have a test on that like the actual ap exam but um i don’t know but i like what i’ve been writing recently it resonates more than it used to and i really like that not sure how to describe it, but i just really like what I’ve been writing recently. i don’t really know where i’m going with this. i’m not gonna try and go for the “oh, i’ve matured so much over the past couple of years” kind of voiceover because i’m still very much an immature giggly child at heart if anything, maybe i’ve mellowed out because i’m tired, or maybe i’m just jaded over a couple of things and maybe that’s what’s tricking me into thinking that I’ve “matured” and in actuality, that’s just me losing a bit of hope which is a little tragic in the grand scheme of things maybe it’s depression slapping me upside the head for round number god knows how many numbers i don’t know i really can’t say anything about the maturity part but i’ve definitely grown, i’ve definitely changed and time has definitely passed my journals are evidence of that at the very least. wow. it really does amaze me at how i’ve managed to talk in circles without saying anything really meaningful in the end so, um, i’ll leave you with a meaningful quote because quite frankly it is 3 a.m and i’m losing all sense of coherent thought. alright goes: “we do not grow absolutely, chronologically. we grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. we grow partially. we are relative. we are mature in one realm, childish in another. the past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. we are made up of layers, cells, constellations.” and that quote is by anais nin. i don’t know if i pronounced her name right? but wow, that really hit me when i was reading it. some people just have a way with words, you know anyways, that’s pretty much it thank you so much for watching and i hope your may as lovely and helps you bloom and awesome in all the wonderful ways thank you for listening to me ramble at 3 am although i do hope that it is not 3 am where you are right now because sleep is important for your health and yes, that is very hypocritical for me to say. watch this video in the morning or the afternoon or something like that anyways, i’m gonna go to bed now, and i’ll see you in the next video. bye!