Trump Addresses (And Is The Reason For) A Women’s Empowerment Forum

Trump Addresses (And Is The Reason For) A Women’s Empowerment Forum


SPEAKING OF DONALD TRUMP, WE’VE
BEEN TAKING– WE’VE BEEN TALK AGO WE’VE BEEN TAKING AND
TALKING. WE’VE BEEN TALKING ALL WEEK
ABOUT HOUSE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE
CHAIRMAN AND MAN WHO’S REALLY HAPPY YOU MET SOMEBODY NEW,
DEVIN NUNES. HE’S LEADING THE ALLEGED
INVESTIGATION INTO ALLEGED TIES BETWEEN THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN AND
RUSSIA, ALLEGEDLY. BUT A LOT OF DEMOCRATS ARE
DEMANDING THAT HE STEP DOWN BECAUSE… ♪ HE SUCKS ♪
THE SPECIFIC SUCKING INVOLVES NUNES’ UNSUBSTANTIATED CLAIM
THAT HE’S SEEN DOCUMENTS FROM A SECRET SOURCE THAT HE MET AT THE
WHITE HOUSE PROVING THAT TRUMP AIDES WERE INCIDENTALLY CAUGHT
UP IN GOVERNMENT SURVEILLANCE OF FOREIGN AGENTS. BUT IT’S NOT ABOUT RUSSIA, AND
HE WON’T TELL ANYONE THE SPECIFICS. AND NOW NUNES VOWS HE WILL NEVER
REVEAL HIS SOURCE, NOT EVEN TO INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE. HE WANTS TO PUBLICLY ASSURE HIS
SOURCE THAT HE’S NEVER GOING TO GIVE HIM UP. HE ACTUALLY MADE A PUBLIC
STATEMENT ABOUT IT TODAY. ♪ NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪>>Stephen: I AGREE WITH THE
DEMOCRATS. HE REALLY SHOULD RICK-CUSE
HIMSELF. THAT’S FUN. THAT DANCE IS FUN.>>Jon: YOU GOT A GOOD FEEL
FOR IT.>>Stephen: REALLY WORKS THIS
PART. NOW, IT’S NO SECRET WE’VE GOT
OURSELVES AN UNCONVENTIONAL PRESIDENT. TODAY WE LEARNED THAT TRUMP IS
VIOLATING ANOTHER NORM BECAUSE HE “WON’T THROW OUT THE FIRST
PITCH AT THE WASHINGTON NATIONALS OPENING DAY.” I DON’T KNOW WHY. MAYBE HE’S WORRIED HIS HANDS ARE
TOO SMALL TO PALM A BASEBALL ( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: OH! OH!>>Stephen: HE’LL HAVE TO–
HE’LL HAVE TO CHEST PAZ IT. HE’LL HAVE TO JUST– LIKE THAT.>>Jon: THE THUMB S.>>Stephen: IT’S ALL THUMBS. NOW THIS IS TRUE. SINCE TAFT, EVERY PRESIDENT,
OTHER THAN JIMMY CARTER, HAS THROWN OUT THE FIRST PITCH OF
THE SEASON OPENER. FOR GOD’S SAKE. THAT MEANS F.D.R. DID IT! ( LAUGHTER )
LET THAT SINK IN! NOT ONLY DID F.D.R. BEAT HITLER
IN WORLD WAR II. HE ALSO STRUCK HIM OUT. I’M NOT SURPRISED. THREE UP, THREE DOWN, MAN. I’M NOT SURPRISED. PEOPLE– I’M NOT SURPRISED. PEOPLE APPLAUDING HITLER STRIKE
OUT. IT’S A GOOD FEELING. AND I’M SURPRISED THAT TRUMP
WON’T THROW OUT THE FIRST PITCH BECAUSE HE’S CLEARLY A HUGE
BASEBALL FAN. ♪ TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME ♪
♪ TAKE ME OUT TO THE CROWD ♪>>Stephen: ARE WE SURE THAT’S
NOT THE TAPE PUTIN IS BLACKMAILING HIM WITH? ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) BECAUSE– I DON’T KNOW ABOUT
YOU-. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I WOULD RATHER HAVE SOMEBODY PEE
ON ME THAN HEAR THAT AGAIN. SO, HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO, AMERICA! TRUMP WON’T THROW OUT THE FIRST
PITCH. WHAT ELSE? HE WON’T GO TO THE
CORREPSONDENTS’ DINNER. HE WON’T RELEASE HIS TAX
RETURNS. HE WON’T PUT HIS BUSINESS IN A
BLIND TRUST. HE DOESN’T WANT TO LIVE IN D.C. WHAT PRESIDENTIAL TRADITION
WILL TRUMP ABANDON NEXT? THIS THANKSGIVING, THOSE TURKEYS
BETTER RUN. “I HEREBY PARDON THESE– YOU
KNOW WHAT? I’M HUNGRY. GET ME SOME HEDGE CLIPPERS. COME HERE! COME HERE! COME HERE!”
NOW, THEY’RE CALLING IT A SCHEDULING CONFLICT. THAT’S WHY HE’S NOT GOING TO
THROW THE PITCH OUT. THAT’S WHAT THEY SAY. THAT IS SOMEWHAT BELIEVABLE. THE PRESIDENT DOES A LOT OF
STUFF. FOR INSTANCE, EARLIER TODAY, HE
SPOKE AT A WOMEN’S EMPOWERMENT FORUM. IT WAS THE FIRST WOMEN’S EVENT
HE’S ATTENDED SINCE SNEAKING INTO THE DRESSING ROOM AT THE
MISS USA PAGEANT. “WHO WANTS TO BE EMPOWERED
FIRST?” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) NOW, THE FIRST LADY WAS ALSO
THERE– LOVELY LADY. THE FIRST LADY WAS ALSO THERE,
PRESENTING AWARDS TO BRAVE INTERNATIONAL WOMEN WHO’VE
OVERCOME YEARS OF REPRESSION AND SILENT SUFFERING. HOW COULD SHE POSSIBLY RELATE TO
THEM ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT THE KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OF COURSE, WAS THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES, SPEAKING TO WOMEN ABOUT EMPOWERMENT. LET’S LISTEN TO TRUMP’S REMARKS.>>YOU KNOW, I’M AUTOMATICALLY
ATTRACTED TO BEAUTIFUL– I JUST START KISSING THEM. IT’S LIKE A MAGNET, JUST KISS. I DON’T EVEN WAIT. AND WHEN YOU’RE A STAR, THEY LET
YOU DO IT, GRAB ‘EM BY THE PUSSY. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.>>Stephen: THAT’S THE WRONG. AUDIO, JIMMY! COME ON! WOW! WOW! WOW, WHAT AN UNFORSEEN TECHNICAL
BLUNDER THAT OUR EDITING DEPARTMENT SPENT AN HOUR MAKING
THIS AFTERNOON. I AM SO, SO, SORRY. I’M SORRY. HERE IS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HERE’S THE ACTUAL FOOTAGE, THE PRESIDENT PRAISING WOMEN’S
UNIQUE CAPABILITIES.>>TO BE HONEST, WHETHER YOU’RE
A WOMAN OR WHETHER YOU’RE A MAN, YOU HAVE THAT SAME DREAM. YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO
DREAM. YOU JUST HAVE A BIG ADVANTAGE
OVER US. YOU KNOW WHY? RIGHT THERE. HEH-HEH.>>Stephen: HEH-HEH. YEAH, WOMEN ARE JUST SO MUCH
SMARTER THAN MEN. I DON’T KNOW WHY WE DIDN’T ELECT
ONE PRESIDENT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. LUKE BRYAN AND DIERKS BENTLEY
ARE HERE. THEY’RE GOING TO PLAY. BUT WHEN WE RETURN, I’M OVER
THERE TALKING ABOUT ROBOTS AND MONSTER TRUCKS. STICK AROUND.

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