Tumblr Awards v88

Tumblr Awards v88


– [Narrator] Let’s level
up from choking each other to slapping each other. Why even fuck anymore? Just throw hands and see who nut first. (static whooshing)
(beeping) French person, 80. French person, LOL blaze it. I just five to my knees I laughed so hard. This whole post makes me want
to seven something on fire. I’ve had e-nine of this. This post doesn’t make sense. I don’t get it and it makes me angry. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Most powerful Smurf. (upbeat piano music) This was one heck of a thing to drop on me at 3:30 a.m., Google. (static whooshing)
(beeping) How many times have you
even watched that movie? Maybe a few times, maybe
300 times, who knows? I know, it’s probably closer to 300 times. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) Science, I think my brain just exploded. Science side of Tumblr, please explain. Air on bottom go whoosh. Air on top go whoosh. Air on front go whoosh. Little plane stay still. Thank you, science side of Tumblr. (static whooshing)
(beeping) The desire to pick up any large sticks and carry them around for
no reason, sword dysphoria. Amazing reply. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Dogs aren’t that great. Ignore. (static whooshing)
(beeping) I’ve made an oath to
never watch Adam Sandler and you should too! Someone has to watch him at
all times or he will escape. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Y’all m-fers got any of that? (upbeat piano music) Bubonic Blague. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) Truly hate this. Slimer, you are blasting
cum all over the place. We are in public. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Me, hi how are y? Cumstomer, I would like to make a return. (static whooshing)
(beeping) I love when dogs are mildly excited and you start encouraging
them like, what is it? And their tail goes from
a level five to level 80. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Master has given Dobby a prostate orgasm. Really wish I was Jared, 19 right now. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) Honestly, this is so much nicer than red. This is Coca-Cola I
can feel calm drinking, no bright screaming red, no anger, no hatred, just a nice sky blue. This is a soda I can feel relaxed with. Is everyone on this site a fucking bull? (static whooshing)
(beeping) It’ll be fun, we’ll make it a boy’s day. Come on you punk bitch. I can’t believe I have to say this. I don’t have time to get tested
for STIs with you tomorrow. C’mon support your boy, he’s nervous. Brad once fed me pepper
spray without my knowledge. (static whooshing)
(beeping) How old are you? Please don’t make me do math. A vampire wrote this. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Today my little brother,
he’s six, put a seashell to his ear and told me
the ocean said I’m a nerd. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Me, how’s my good little kitty? My cat, I’m fine bitch. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Known as the wrap-around spider, this spider can flatten and wrap its body around tree limbs as camouflage. Get God on the phone. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Technically, you can go the rest of your life without eating. Really? Yeah, you’d starve to
death, but it technically was the rest of your life. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) This new GTA screenshot looks
like a giant head coming out of the road, staring at a man on a bench. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Like if you prefer dirt over pavement. Both taste great, I cannot decide. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Tumblr actually dying as a platform really just makes me wanna use it more, like yeah, no one’s gonna read this. That is so fuckin’ sexy. (static whooshing)
(beeping) How can I sleep when I
can hear my pussy fizzing? For the love of God, stop sending me this. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Inhales, exhales, looks
out into the sunset. The sweet smell of not
being in high school. Remembers that I have no idea what I want to do for my future. Continues to stare out
into the sunset, shit. (static whooshing)
(beeping) I made stew. It was awesome. I love potatoes. I love you too. Wait, what was in the stew? (static whooshing)
(beeping) We opened at 11 this morning. I watched an old man literally
pry the fucking sliding doors open at 10:43 and stand there just staring into the empty store and my
coworker and I were like, sir. For the love of fuck. (static whooshing)
(beeping) They think that women
YouTubers can’t go to heaven because men masturbate over them. This is crazy. Rubbed one out for them,
now no one goes to heaven. It’s equality. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Winnie the Pooh, where shall
we go for our vacation? Tigger, strapping on a
large dildo, Winnipeg. Winnie the Pooh, Oh, bother. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Butler hands me a wax-sealed envelope. Your callout post, sir. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) (static whooshing)
(beeping) You’ve heard of the Roaring 20s, now get ready for the screaming 20s, coming to a decade near you in 2020. Is it too early or can
we start screaming now? (static whooshing)
(beeping) I really can’t believe I’ve been on this hell site for eight years. Impart me in your wisdom of ancient times. One time there was a
Tumblr user with the URL pizza and she would just
comment on any text post about pizza saying, OMG that’s me. And then we found out
she had an entire tag dedicated to saying the n word. (static whooshing)
(beeping) There is knocking at my window. I wonder if it is a boy come
to confess his love for me. It is a confused bird. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Life isn’t always candy! Sometimes it’s a mouthful of sand! You just have to keep
putting things in your mouth! This sounds like it was written by my dog. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) She’s making sure no one steals it. Tail, check. (static whooshing)
(beeping) What if you woke up one
day and you were hot? IDK, I’d probably open
the window or something. (static whooshing)
(beeping) People who use the word literally for something that can’t be literal is the reason I want
mankind to be extinct. Nothing’s real dude, not even grammar. We made it up man, go outside. (static whooshing)
(beeping) I’m getting a haircut today. Which one? Strand number 1043, it’s
getting longer than the rest. (static whooshing)
(beeping) A frog that, when kissed
by a beautiful princess, transforms into a slightly larger frog. OP change your URL. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Question is, do I stay
in bed or get out of it? Both, you get out of
your bed and get in mine. Why the hell is everyone on this website suddenly smooth as fuck? (static whooshing)
(beeping) Teeny clay Tubbs. I stepped on him. Whatcha say? I shouldn’t be laughing. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Don’t date someone who
doesn’t put the grocery cart back in the cart return. It’s called creating jobs. Actually, it’s called not being rude and making someone’s job easier. Pours box of cornflakes directly onto the floor of aisle seven. It’s called creating jobs, sweetie. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Which is better, a dog with a backpack or a dog in a backpack? Clearly a big dog with a backpack
containing a smaller dog. True. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Movies based off books are bad but books based off movies are so much worse. (upbeat piano music) (static whooshing)
(beeping) Who is Tim Horton and why does
everyone in Canada know him? Oh ya, Tim is just a good bud there, eh? What does this say? (static whooshing)
(beeping) Due to personal reasons
you will be passing away. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Reading is just staring
at a dead piece of wood for hours and hallucinating. Please delete this. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Why is your nose in the
middle of your face? Because it’s the scenter. (static whooshing)
(beeping) WC fans during 5th grade recess. Turned into a cat. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Are you even in class and you
hear a random muffled scream from a nearby class and you’re
like the fucks going on? What the fuck kind of
school do y’all go to? Public school. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Evil versions of characters
are always way hotter than the regular version. (upbeat piano music) (static whooshing)
(beeping) How to compliment me, one, say something nice about Taylor Swift. I personally really related to this post. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) Those were the days. Grandma’s Ghost. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) This the funniest picture I’ve ever seen, I’m literally crying, like, why? (static whooshing)
(beeping) Why did we stop building castles? I feel like humanity
might live to regret that. (static whooshing)
(beeping) You’re walking in the woods. There’s no one around
and you’re phone is dead. Out of the corner of
your eye you spot him. Shy Labeef. The picture didn’t load
immediately, I wasn’t prepared. (static whooshing)
(beeping) When I die, plant catnip on my grave. I want to be visited by
lots and lots of cats. (static whooshing)
(beeping) My parents just switched
me from wet to dry food and it’s fucking ruining my life. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Catch me in the street
using my froglike tongue to grab people’s AirPods and
eating them for the nutrient. (static whooshing)
(beeping) I want EMO versions of
idioms, like, instead of, you’re barking up the wrong tree, it’s you’re panicking at the wrong disco. You can lead a horse to Evanescence but you can’t bring him to life. This isn’t my first black parade. (static whooshing)
(beeping) I would rather wander around
a store for nine hours than ask an employee where something is and this I do not understand. (static whooshing)
(beeping) How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By walking, J.K. Rowling. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Tell him you’re excited
to have his last name and then marry his brother. This is some Shakespeare level shade. (static whooshing)
(beeping) My follower count is my birth year. Did you know Jesus personally? Slam dunked. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Important, it’s the no-internet
dinosaur’s birthday. Turn off your internet! He has a hat! (upbeat piano music) (static whooshing)
(beeping) Bandersnatch sounds like
British slang for pussy. And yet family-friendly Disney still hired him to play Doctor Strange. What a disgrace. This post is like getting
smacked in the face twice. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) Very secret dog meeting. We must overthrow the
bunnies and the ladybugs. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) Secret Husky meeting. The Pitbulls are conspiring against us. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) A Corgi leading a conga line
of Pugs on an adventure. Gandalf, no. (static whooshing)
(beeping) An 80s movie style montage of
me trying on different condoms and my brothers keep shaking their heads. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) Minmi man with a beer in one
hand and a hose in the other defends his home from the fire. Australia. Yeah, that’s pretty much every
summer ever for us, accurate. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) Secret bunny conference. The ladybugs are on to us. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) Super secret ladybug council meeting to discuss ladybug super secrets. We must conspire against the bunnies. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Twinkle twinkle little star. Why is art so fucking hard? Up above the world so high, I can’t draw the other eye. Twinkle twinkle little fuck. Dammit, what the, I give up. This is my anthem. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Name one difference
between birds and children. Children have eyebrows. Think again. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Imagine having sex with a
ghost and then someone walks into your room and they
see your asshole widening and narrowing for no reason. Imagine praying to God
and going to church. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Bedtime was half an hour ago. My six-year-old just walked out, bleary-eyed and asked his
father if a duck is a predator. Some things are too important
to go to bed without knowing. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) So around November, a friend
gave me a deer carcass for a project I’m in the
process of cultivating. I left it in a tree
over winter to dry out. Today, I went to take it
down, but to my surprise, I found new life forming
in the heart of death. This is fucking awesome. I’m sure I’ve re-blogged this but it’s one of my favorite things. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Step one, find out where
hot female vampire lives. Step two, go there. Step three, look at porn until boner. Step four, yell, sure is a lot of blood in my dick right now. Bing, bang, boom, free blowjob. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Going bowling, me, sticks
fingers in bowling ball. Bowling ball, daddy. Me, WTF? (static whooshing)
(beeping) When I was six my brother
told me that old people sag because they’re being
pulled to hell and I cried. (static whooshing)
(beeping) I don’t trust people
who are organized enough to balance a fuck ton of school stuff on top of a normal life because you know who else could do that? Fucking Light Yagami. (static whooshing)
(beeping) It’s important to master
blood magic and necromancy, so you can make use of the whole body. Environmentally sustainable black magic. Remember,, necromancy is
really just advanced recycling. Reduce, reuse, reanimate. (static whooshing)
(beeping) (upbeat piano music) This doesn’t concern you
Robert, please close the door. (static whooshing)
(beeping) Me and my girls about to rob a bank. What happened to the Powerpuff Girls? You have been visited by
the smart studying doggo. You’ll be blessed with good grades only if you subscribe to Comment
Awards and like the video. ♪ BG ♪ ♪ On top, food chain,
won’t stop, new gains ♪ ♪ Hot box, that blue haze ♪ ♪ One look, two chains ♪ ♪ No bras, two babes ♪ ♪ Mic dropped, new stage ♪ ♪ Lights in my rear-view ♪ ♪ Five cops, fools race ♪ ♪ Faster than a Tesla,
they say I’m exhausted ♪

99 thoughts on “Tumblr Awards v88

  1. Like literally a list of things I hate:

    1.You
    2. People who didn’t read the first word of this comment

  2. 2:58

    I’m like 90% sure that’s the spider Barty Crouch Jr. posing as Mad-Eye Moody tortured in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

  3. i was watching this and every secret animal meeting was seen besides the ladybugs, and i got really worried because it was almost at the end of the video
    ive never been happier to see a cult of ladybugs

  4. 0:22 I understand this it's so funny and my parents who don't know French are so confused as to why I'm laughing

  5. 6:34 You know, even if it is in the cart return, the same person still has to grab the carts. Leaving your cart to drift is just making their job harder and creating a liability. Just wanted to get that out there, from a Cart Pusher.

  6. omfg 0:12 i just translated it and even though i dont speak french i speak latin so i understand 80 is quatre-vingts which is four twenties

    and then five is cinq… sink

    seven- sept sept something on fire

    im losing it

    nine- neuf… eneuf

  7. I came here because of the animal meetings.
    Bunnies and Ladybugs: (Fight.)
    Pitbulls: The Bunnies and the Ladybugs are currently at war. Nobody left to defend the Huskies.
    Huskies: We got 'um.
    Cats: All of them are fools. We run this show.

  8. 7:24
    I want to disregard this post, but this is exactly what happened with me and my friends in 5th grade recess.

  9. We are still building castle a group of people are using only the original technology and resources to build a castle

  10. French Man: (80 is pronounced 420)
    French Man: lol blaze it
    Guy: This joke is so funny I just (5 is pronounced sank ) to my knees
    Guy: This post makes me want to (7 is pronounced set ) on fire
    Guy: I’ve had e(9 is pronounced nough ) of this

  11. 0:21

    For those who don’t get it: in French, what they call 80 “quatre-vingt”, which translates to “four-twenty’s”.
    For those other puns, 5 is spelled “cinq” but is pronounced like “sank”.
    7 is spelled “sept” but is pronounced “set”.
    9 is spelled “neuf” and is pronounced like “nuff”

    Yay French puns! 5 years of learning hasn’t been for nothing! Yay!

  12. 6:50)
    "Movies based off books are bad"
    Harry Potter: Say sike right now
    Hunger Games: Say sike right now
    Percy Jackson: Say sike right now
    Jungle Book: Say sike right now
    Twilight: Ooh, he mean me.

  13. 4:30 I can't tell which is worse, the implication that Tigger is actually a woman or that he's just a cockless man

  14. Try hearing your French teacher say that our favorite number was 19, go into a huge elaborate explanation about the city of Paris and all the roads relating to the number 19 (but not really), and then finally ending it all by just saying, "Dix-neuf," like okay but he wasted 20 minutes on this one joke.

  15. As I was watching this in a dark room a beatle flew on my wrist. My instinctive reaction was to throw my phone into another dimension.

  16. bruh 12:13 really hit me hard. i was like "oh, I can do that!" then i saw Light Yagami and i cried cuz…lemme just say im about halfway through Death Note.

  17. 7:31

    I Go To a boarding school.
    (not the kind with Uniforms and stuff like that) And There is so many people who scream, That it’s just become normal over there lmao.

  18. 0:23 explanation: 80( quatre-vingt) in French translates to 4 20 and 5 ( cinq) is pronounced like sank and 7 ( sept) sounds kinda like set. ( sorry if I spelled the words wrong I'm a new learner )

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